Sunday 24 February 2013

8. Love Without Tragedy? - Part One

*Thanku so much for previous comments :) I never expected to get so many lol I hope this is okay, I've been struggling with writer's block and super self-doubting episodes haha*

"Do you think there's a baby in there?" Drake asked quietly as he lay resting on his front in between her legs, his head positioned gently on her stomach.

"I don't know. It's too early to tell yet, babe." Finishing her answer off with a yawn she kept on running her fingers through his curls. She knew she would have to get up soon before she dozed off again but the peace and quiet with him right now was too enjoyable.

"Y'know? The doctor said there are other opt-"

"Aubrey, please? I don't wanna talk about that right now." He knew he'd ruined the moment as she sat up slowly and stared at him. "C'mon, my Mom said dinner would on the table at eight." Patting his arm for him to move, she watched him as he rolled on to his back and let her up.

The silence once again filled the room as soon as she shut the bathroom door behind her. The last few weeks had been more than a little turbulent and this was their fourth time trying to get pregnant. He just hoped this time they'd witness the result they were both so desperate to see. A baby.

"Drake? Could you grab me a towel?" He was pulled from his growing thoughts and proceeded to do as his wife had asked and handed the towel to her. It needed to happen this time, for her sake more than anything. He hated seeing the disappointed look on her face when they took the test and she'd read she wasn't pregnant. The doctor had already hinted at the fact that it could be something to do with them and suggested other options for starting a family but Nicki wouldn't hear it. Not from the doctor's mouth and not from her husband's mouth.

"Gimme a yell when you're ready to go." He smiled and kissed her forehead before she stepped into the shower.

***

"Mom will be cursin'." She huffed and put her phone back in her lap before looking out of the window again.

"We're almost there, it'll be fine." Grasping at her hand he kissed it and continued on with the flow of traffic as soon as the lights changed. They were running a little late since Drake had decided to pounce on Nicki as soon as she hopped out of the shower, another spontaneous moment that had now made them late for her Father's birthday dinner.

"Next time you go jumpin' on me outta nowhere, do it when we got no plans."

"Yes ma'am."

"Shut up." She laughed and shoved his hand away as they pulled up to the curb. "Remember we're not tellin' anyone unti-"

"Until we know you're pregnant. I got it babe." Sharing another kiss they both exited the car and made their way inside. Nicki started squealing almost as soon as she saw her little brother, embracing him in a huge hug.

"Lambchop!" She whined. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too Nika." He started protesting when she planted kisses all over his head and pulled away from her as he wiped at his scalp. "Stooop!"

"Oh? You're too grown for my kisses now?"

"No." He looked around sheepishly. "Just not in front of everyone like that."

"Ungrateful." She shook her head playfully and continued though to the kitchen as Cai and Drake started messing around with his new remote controlled car.

"Onika, you made it." Quickly setting the bowls down she made her way over to her daughter and hugged her lovingly.

"Yeah, sorry we're a lil' late. We had some stuff to sort out before we got here." Flashing her dimples she set her purse on the table and shrugged out of her jacket. "Need any help?"

"Please, that would be great." After greeting the rest of her family and wishing he Father a happy birthday she returned to the kitchen to help her Mom.

"So how are things, Onika?"

"Good." She smiled and looked over at Carol happily. "Better than ever actually."

"I'm glad to hear that baby, hand me that colander would you?" Reaching over carefully she place the plastic sieve in her Mother's hand.

"How's Dad doin'? Y'know, with all his meds and stuff?" She frowned worriedly thinking about his decline in health as of late.

"He's fine, trooping on as usual." The sweet smile on her Mom's face wasn't convincing her one bit.

Back in the lounge room Drake had said his hello's to everyone before joining them in watching the TV. He knew how protective they all were of Nicki, especially after everything that had happened to her they didn't want her getting hurt again. That's why he will forever treasure the moment when her Father and brother both gave him their blessing to ask for Nicki's hand in marriage. It meant a lot to him. Although seeing Robert slowly heading downhill was pretty heartbreaking. Staring at the older man for a while Drake soon felt uncomfortable when he turned to look at him, obviously confused.

"Jay? Who is that sat over there? Do we know him?" The wrinkles in his brow were deep with thought as Jelani quickly glanced at Drake apologetically.

"Dad, that's Drake. You remember him, he's Nicki's husband." He paused to let the information sink in but he looked just as confused as before. "We went to their weddin' a couple weeks back, you walked Nic down the aisle, remember?"

"No, I don't." Looking down for a second he took in a breath and returned his gaze to Drizzy. "Nice to meet you, Drake was it?"

"Yeah, nice to meet you too Mr Maraj." He smiled and nodded courteously and let the elder continue watching TV.

"Sorry 'bout that, he's gettin' worse."

"Aye, don't worry 'bout it. Not like you can help it." He tried to reassure him but the look on his face was pained.

"It's definitely Alzheimer's, the doctor confirmed."

"There's nothin' else they can do?" He sat forward in his chair some more with a concerned expression.

"It's irreversible." Wiping his hand over his face he sighed loudly. "He remembers old stuff, but nothin' recent. It's really odd, like, stuff you'd assume an older person would never remember sticks with 'em but then they couldn't possibly tell you what they did this mornin'."

"Well, my prayers are with you. As long as he's got all of our support, things'll be fine."

"Thanks man."

"No problem." Sinking back in his chair he allowed his eyes to focus on the TV with Robert's.

***

"You are hands down the best cook I know." Drake praised Mama Carol as he pushed his empty plate away, only looking towards Nicki when she cleared her throat angrily. "Oh, apart from Nicki of course." Grinning sheepishly he leaned in and kissed her temple.

"Stop ass kissin'. Y'already made it clear my cooking doesn't cut it."

"Thank you, Aubrey. You still got room for dessert?"

"I can make room?" He laughed and rested his hand on Nicki's thigh under the table. "We can't stay too long though."

"Oh? What's the rush to leave here for?" She asked whilst standing up and gathering plates.

"There's no rush Mom, we just wanna visit the cemetery before they lock the gates."

"Oh, that reminds me!" She quickly scurried off and returned seconds later with a flat, square box. "I did this for you." Handing the small gift over everyone watched in anticipation as Nicki tore the paper off and pulled out a frame, inside it there was a small inscription with a photo of her baby next to it. It was from her Mom to Kai. She read over the heartfelt words, struggling to continue towards the end as her eyes had glazed over.

"Mom, I love it. Thank you." Quickly standing up she shared a hug with her Mother as Drake read over the written piece before handing it to Cai, who then handed it to Jelani after scanning the words. As they all continued to exchange small talk they heard Robert let out a small howl.

"Oh my, Onika?"

"Hmm?" She turned to look at him quickly with her lips folded into a small smile.

"Is this your little one? He's gotten so big, where is the little tyke?" He chuckled heartily and rubbed his thumb over the image. The whole table was overcome by a sorrowful silence. Nicki wasn't even able to make a noise as her heart moved up to her throat. Everyone's eyes were upon her frame before trying to avoid staring. Tearfully clearing her throat she stared down at her plate momentarily.

"Excuse me." Pushing her chair out she attempted to make a hasty exit to the bathroom before her tears escaped but was stopped by Drake's hand wrapping around her wrist.

"Nicki, wait." That was all he managed to get out before she pulled away from his grip and headed up the stairs quickly.

"Was it something I said?" Robert's face was the definition of concern as he looked between everyone. Their expressions all pretty much mirroring one another's

"No. No, of course not Dad. Nicki's just not feelin' too good. C'mon, how 'bout us three go eat dessert in the lounge?" Jelani widened his eyes at Cai and led them through to other room before moving back through to get their dessert bowls.

"I'll go see to her." Politely leaving the table Drake made his way upstairs, he checked the bathroom first but when he didn't find her in there he guessed she was in her old room. Bingo. She was laying on her side in the middle of her bed. Entering quietly he closed the door and climbed on to the bed, settling directly behind her. "He didn't say it on purpose y'know?"

"I know that, Drake. I'm not stupid." Her voice was all over the place as she trembled with each sob.

"I never said that." Wrapping his arms around her he prepared to be pushed away but instead she gripped on to his strong limbs.

"Sorry."

"You don't need to apologise." He kissed the back of her head and loosened his grip when she shuffled around to be face to face with him.

"I don't think I'm ready, I ju-" He cut her off, already knowing what she was going to say.

"Shh. I know, it's okay. Like I said, we got all the time in the world. There's no rush." He pulled her closer to himself and spoke into her hair. "I'm ready when you are."


Robert's little slip up understandably ended the dinner early but other than that the night was seemingly enjoyable. Being as exhausted as she was, Nicki fell asleep on the way to the cemetery only to feel more gloomy when she awoke to the rain hammering down on her window.

"Nice weather."

"I was just thinkin' that." He smiled and rubbed her thigh as they pulled on to the gravelly parking lot. "I reckon we got an umbrella in the back. Wait here, I'll have a look." Sliding out of the door he began rummaging in the trunk as Nicki stared aimlessly out of the window, frowning harshly when she saw a hint of colour from the distance. It only caught her attention because that was the direction she usually stared in as it was where Kai and her baby were laid to rest. Swiftly pushing her door open she started walking that way, not bothering to close her door behind her and alert Drake to her leaving the vehicle.
Growing nearer to the headstones she could hear Drake shouting for her as he jogged to catch up, his heart immediately dropped seeing the sight before him. The two graves to the left of Kai and five on the right were all graffitied and vandalised. A heartbroken Nicki on her knees before him, staring at her baby's broken headstone. Bringing his hand up to his face he moved over to the graves before crouching down in the rain next to her.

"Who would do something like this? He's just a baby!" Her cries increased in volume as he'd got closer to her.

"Heartless pricks. That's who." Shaking his head angrily he pushed the umbrella up and put it Nicki's hand. "Here, keep under this and stay dry, you're gonna get sick."

"What are you doing?" She sniffled and kept herself under the protection of the black umbrella as Drake started wiping furiously at the fluorescent stains. They wouldn't budge though. Giving up after minutes of violent scrubbing he turned his attention to the small headstone that was now in half. He figured whoever did this would have targeted baby Kai's gravestone because it was small enough to break in contrast to all the other tall and daunting statue like stones. Bending down slowly he lifted the chipped off block and sat it back in its original place. "It's okay, Aubrey. It's not gonna stay."

"I'll call the director's when we get home, sort out some new headstones. Yeah?" He didn't receive a verbal response. Only seeing her head nod underneath the black of the umbrella before she lay the flowers down and started heading solemnly back towards the car.

The whole car ride home was silent. The days events had gone way more badly than he'd imagined. Catastrophic was more the word. Turning the headlights off once they'd entered the garage he sighed when she got out of the car and moved inside without a word. Typical Nicki behaviour. It didn't alarm him but he'd prefer it if she spoke to him about her troubles, rather than lock them up and bury them. Following her into the house he shrugged out of his wet clothes and managed to get the fire going to dry everything off. After hearing water in the pipes he guessed she was showering and decided to wait in their bedroom for her to get out. She didn't take long to reappear, wrapped in a towel and her eyes all puffy.

"Nicki? Talk to me."

"What is there to say?" She shrugged after speaking nasally due to her shedding tears.

"What's on your mind?"

"Oh, I don't know." Slamming her moisturiser down forcefully after squirting some in her hands she began rubbing the cream into her skin roughly. "Well, for starter's my Father's health is on my mind, Aubrey! As well as the fact that some heartless motherfuckers vandalised my baby's grave and..." She trailed off when the tears overtook her sentence and became too much as she sat defeatedly on the edge of the bed. "What if it was a sign?"

...

Monday 28 January 2013

7. Wedded Bliss

"Oh my god, would you stop? The neighbours can see us." Nicki spoke as she wrapped her arms around his neck, securing herself as she clung on to his front.

"Nobody can see us, it's fine." Wading slowly over to the other side of the pool he pushed her back gently up against the side, easing the strain she was feeling on her legs as she tried to keep them wrapped securely around his waist. She could feel him move his hands from under her ass whilst he tried to pull at her bikini bottoms.

"Drake."

"Nicki."

"Seriously, Aubrey stop." The end of her demand faded out as her breathing hitched. The result of his tender touch.

"You really want me to stop?" He asked with a smirk, knowing full well that her answer would probably have changed. They were spending the day lazing around their villa in sunny Spain. A honeymoon surprise Drake had organised especially for her.

"Mmm."

"What was that? I didn't catch what you said."

"No." She exhaled blissfully. "Don't stop. Keep going." Slowly opening her eyes she stared at his face before bringing her wet hand to his jawline and caressing it affectionately. He stopped touching her for a spilt second to pull at the knot on her bikini, it was off in no time before he continued with his teasing fingertips. Their eye contact remained locked before she moved in to kiss him, sucking slowly on his bottom lip as he proceeded to please her. Feeling herself becoming more and more aroused she returned her arm to his neck and pulled away from the passionate embrace their tongues were involved in.

"Hold up a minute." Stopping all movement he looked around edgily as did she before he cautiously removed his swimming shorts. Giving her a moment to collect herself she ran her dripping fingers through her hair before squinting up at the next door neighbours balcony. They were a fairly elderly couple, enjoying a cool beverage on this sunny evening. Flashing them an uncomfortable smile she soon focused back on her newlywed husband as he teased her entrance with his tip.

"Ah." She flinched at his teasing manner. "Drake we can't, the neighbours are watching." She whined before he looked up at their balcony and gave them a small wave whilst laughing. They had no idea.

"They're not, I promise. Besides, what they gon' do about it?" Easing himself into her he sighed contently as she let a small whimper escape. "Oh God." She moaned. "That feels so good."

"You're so...tight." His shaky exhale made her smile. "Damn Nicki." Letting his face contort with pleasure he lifted her up some more and held on firmly to her waist as he moved her up and down. They were both struggling to suppress their feelings of pleasure, not wanting to put on an adult show for their neighbours. After kissing her some more he moved his attention down to her light pink bikini top, her boobs slowly bouncing as she moved back and forth on him. He could feel her teeth on the nape of his neck as she could feel his on the flesh of her chest. Pulling urgently at one side of her top he yanked it down before covering her nipple with his mouth. His added form of pleasure only made her hips move faster as she felt the signal of her orgasm coming.

"Ah shit." She hissed before moaning out considerably loudly. "Ohh I'm gonna cum." Her groans were nothing but noises of pure lust being echoed into his ear, her stilted and struggling breath sending chills down his spine as the water surrounding them rippled with their movement. Feeling her pull away and throw her head back he stopped sucking on her chest only for her mouth to take its place as she brought her focus back to him, her hips now moving in a circular motion and driving him crazy. Suddenly sensing her body stiffen, no noise escaped her mouth as she rode out the wave of pleasure. Her walls pulsating around him before she came with a lengthy moan. Her whole body fell limp but she continued to grind against him before she felt him swell inside of her and groan throatily into her neck as he released himself. Staying in the same position she ran her long talon-like nails up and down the back of his neck as her head rested sleepily on his shoulder.

"I love you." The words he spoke vibrated in his neck, making her face tingle.

"I love you too." Feeling the cool breeze blowing over their water-beaded skin made them both shiver. Her finger tips were still submerged in the water since her arms were laying lifelessly over his broad shoulders and her legs still wrapped around him.

"We better make a move." Shifting slightly he pulled out of her gently and let her down, her stomach and upwards now joining the rest of her body in the water.

"Our nosy neighbours left the show early." She smiled and returned her gaze back to the now abandoned balcony the elderly couple once sat on.

"That's because noisy Nika put them off."

"Shut up." She splashed him playfully. "You love it when I'm noisy." Floating along side him he couldn't help but smile. He loved seeing her like this. Au natural and happy at the same time. "What are you looking at?" Her cheeky smile made him smirk.

"My beautiful wife." He only broke their eye connection briefly as he grabbed his shorts which were floating on the surface of the water next to him.

"Where are my bottoms?" Frowning a little she stood on her tippy-toes before her feet could fully touch the tiled floor of the shallow end as she pushed her boob back into her bikini top.

"Oh, I'onno." he shrugged after stepping skilfully into his trunks. "Looks like you lost 'em."

"Don't give me that. You know where they are, now give them back."

"Who says I know where they at?"

"Draaake!" She danced on the spot irritably, the cold was really getting to her.

"Aight, calm down I got 'em." The small half smile he exhibited made her scowl playfully before he handed them to her and let her put them on.

"Carry me."

"Carry me, what?"

She rolled her eyes dramatically before speaking again. "Carry me, please?"

"Of course. Hop on little one." Not asking twice she climbed tiredly on to his back and let him loop his arms around her legs as he carried them both up the tiled steps and on to the decking before heading inside.

Their little pool love-making session had left them both tired, this became more evident to Drake after they showered and Nicki fell asleep face down on the bed whilst he lotioned her body. Once he'd covered her up he made his way downstairs and grabbed the menus from the fridge magnet. He couldn't believe their three weeks of heaven were almost over. They'd been together for two years before he got down on one knee on the steps where they first kissed and proposed to her, his dream literally coming true when she tearfully said yes before he slipped the ring on to her finger. It seemed like only yesterday but in reality it was almost a year ago. To think that three years ago he almost gave up on what he could have had, what he has. Returning from New York that night was undoubtedly the best decision he'd ever made. Smiling at the memories he picked up the phone and ordered them something satisfying to eat.

***

"Mmm, that was so good." She licked her lips between mouthfuls and looked at him. "Where'd you say this was from?"

"That sports bar place down the road."

"Forreal?" She widened her eyes in shock. "Damn, we have to go there again before we leave." After wiping her hands with a napkin she shuffled back into his arms, resting between his legs with her back against his front. "I can't believe we have to go home after tomorrow."

"I know, I don't want this to end." He snaked his fingers through hers and held her hand as they spoke.

"Ugh, It's gonna be so cold back in Philly too." She sighed at the thought of it, until something else began to trouble her mind. "Drake?"

"Yeah?" His eyes followed the back of her head until she was fully facing him. Her eyes lay on her hands as she talked.

"Were you serious about what we discussed on the plane?" His brow furrowed seeing her behaving so nervously. Stroking the length of her hand gently he encouraged her to look up at him.

"Very serious. Why? You havin' second thoughts?"

"No! No, of course not." She breathed calmly. "I just want to be sure that this is what we both want."

"There is nothing I want more than to have a baby with you. I love you." Squeezing her fingers delicately he kissed her hand and pulled her back to him. "There's no rush though, we got the rest of our lives."

"I know but I feel like I'm ready now, don't you? I mean I'm gonna be twenty-six in a few weeks."

"Babe, listen to what you just said." He laughed a little causing her head to move around on his chest. "Twenty-six is nothin'. Besides we already started baby-making in the pool. We didn't use a condom." Kissing her temple he let his face stayed pressed to the side of her head.

"I'm on the pill Mr Graham."

"Oh. Well then you should prolly get off it so I can get to work."

"What?" She laughed hard and sat forward before slapping his stomach. "Whatever! I'm going to bed, we're getting up early."

"We are?" He followed behind her as they headed up the stairs.

"Yup. We're going to that market-place thing. I wanna get my Mom something to take back, it's not everyday you get to go to Spain." Upon entering their room she started running the tap to heat the water.

"Kay, well sounds like tomorrow's all sorted." Taking a seat on the edge of their huge bed he yawned and looked on to the balcony. The jacuzzi was sat with the cover still on it, they hadn't even used it yet. Back in the bathroom she was just patting her face dry when she heard the glass doors sliding open.

"Babe? Was that you?" There was no answer. Turning the light off she moved back into the room only to see him sat in the tub, the bubbles obviously easing his back muscles. She smiled and continued to watch him before slipping out of the shirt of his that she was wearing and joined him outside.

"Oh Nicki, you gotta try this." He never opened his eyes whilst he murmured and jumped after a few seconds when he felt her straddle him. She'd stepped in ever so quietly, her goosebumps disappearing from her naked body as she got further into the steaming water. His hands immediately went to her hips and hers to his shoulders.

"So you're sure about this then?" She whispered and kissed him lightly before he could respond.

"Let's make a baby."

***

The rest of their honeymoon went smoothly and both were sad to see it come to an end but the excitement of starting their life together as husband and wife now was bringing their spirits back up. Rubbing her eyes she sat herself up and pulled the window cover up. She could see the city growing more distinct below them as the clouds grew thinner.

"Babe, we're abouta land. You need to put you chair up." Holding his forearm she watched him intently as he woke himself and wiped at his mouth.

"What?"

"We're home, the plane's gonna land soon."

"How long?" She couldn't help but smile as he stretched his arms up like a kid and yawned.

"I'm not sure, but I need to pee while the seatbelt sign's off. Budge your butt."

"Aight, me too."

Making their way down the aisle to the bathroom she swiftly grabbed his hand, stopping him from feeling up on her in public.

"There are kids on this plane y'know?"

"Yeah but this is technically still our honeymoon." He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.

"I'm not goin' in the cubicle with you, so if that's what you're chasin' then you can stop right now."

"Killjoy."

"Boy, shut up and go pee." She pushed him lightly and continued to wait her turn before they moved back to their seats and buckled in.

"Hey, look at this." Nodding his head in the direction of the seats nearby she looked over and felt her heart melt. A young woman was rubbing her baby's back as she tried to burp him. His little eyes focused on the both of them before his gummy smile made them grin.

"Awww, he's so cute." He felt her hand clutching at his and looked over her face as she continued to stare. She really wanted a baby.

***

They'd been home for almost four weeks before she actually booked an appointment with her doctor she was taking absolutely no risks this time. It had taken all these years to come to terms with losing her first baby and she wasn't about to experience that kind of trauma again. Ever.

"What time'd you get us in for?" He spun around on the office chair as she entered with his drink.

"Four, that okay?"

"That's perfect. He smiled lovingly. "C'mere." Moving his hands from his lap he made room for her to sit on him, he could tell she was fretting. "Everythin's gon' be okay y'know?"

"Please, don't say that?" She pushed herself off of him and stared down at his face. "You don't know for sure, I mean anythin' could happen." Her words made him look away and sigh. "Look, I just don't wanna get my hopes up. That's all. I know you're only tryin' to help."

"I wanna say somethin' before we get into his whole baby situation." He waited for her to acknowledge him before he continued. "It's not gonna be you and the baby. It'll be us, so I'm gonna be involved. I don't wanna feel pushed out, so please don't make me feel like an outsider in all of this Onika?" There was silence once he'd finished.

"I'm not tryin' to make you feel like that."

"I know you're not." He stood up, quickly regretting what he'd said when he caught a glimpse of the photo taken when Kai was born. His lifeless body cradled in her arms, his existence cruelly snatched from her. "I didn't mean you were, I just don't wanna be on the outside lookin' in, y'know? This'll be our baby and our life." He enveloped her in a hug and kissed her head, feeling her arms wrap around his waist too he relaxed. "So what's gonna go down at this appointment then?"

"Well, I just want some medical advice. Plus I wanna know if they think I'm in the right place, mentally and emotionally to be tryin' to get pregnant."

"What if they say you're not?"

"Then we wait 'til I am, I guess." She pulled away and grabbed her cup, sipping from it slowly. "Oh, and I'ont wanna tell my family just yet. I think we should wait 'til I'm actually pregnant before we go announcing things. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

*I know not too many ppl were super bothered about me continuing but I had partially written this up anyway so I posted it XD Hope this was okay, and thanks to those who commented on chapter 6 :))*

Tuesday 22 January 2013

6. Freedom

*I've said this before but my Onikafaree fics are a lot more popular than my Dricki ones, so I apologise if I don't post on these ones as often. Hope this is okay and yes this is the last chapter, it's only mini but it ends on a happy note :)*


If you left me, how could I go on?
If you walked away from me baby, all the right would turn wrong.


"Why did you come back?"

"I thought that woulda been kinda obvious Nicki." He licked his lips as the car fell back into silence, hearing only the road beneath the tires as they drove. He'd made his way to the cemetery on foot knowing that he needed time to think. Deep down he knew she would act this way but decided to keep his cool so as not to cause any more friction.

"Not really, I mean the way you just left like that you made it seem so easy to walk away."

"It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do actually."

"Of course it was." She kept her eyes on the road, answering him coldly when really all she wanted to do was break down in tears and wrap her arms around his neck.

"I know you're upset and me leaving was prolly not-"

"The best idea? No it wasn't. So, after losing Kai and our baby you just sat there and thought hey what's one more person gonna do to her? No Drake! I needed you here and you just walked out on me. You left me." The hurt started to crack through in her voice as she fought the tears.

"Pull over."

"What? Drake no, I'm not pu-"

"I said pull over." He raised his voice slightly making her grip the wheel tighter in her hands as she roughly snatched it to the side. They came to a stop on the roadside. "I don't know what you want Onika. Tell me, show me or something just anything! 'Cause I sure as hell didn't come all the way back here only to be shut down again!" His shaky breathing filled in the silence as she finally realised how she was behaving. She was really screwing with him without even knowing it. "Y'know? All the messages and the calls made me think that you really did feel somethin'! Then I get back here and what happens? You push me away again. I can't do this anymore Nicki, I won't do it anymore." Reaching for the door handle he stopped when he heard her soft voice.

"I'm sorry." He looked up a little surprised, he'd half expected her to not say a word and let him walk away but for her to say she was sorry was like a newfound hope for him. For them. "I just didn't wanna lose you." She sniffled as she began to cry, keeping her gaze fixed straight ahead at the late-night traffic.

"But you wouldn't have been losin' me, I don't understand how you could think that." Noticing that he'd softened his voice considerably she looked at him as he grasped on to her hand.

"Because of this Drake! We're not even together and look at us, what'll happen when we really do have a huge argument? If you walk out on me for good? I can't have you leave me like that." He had to concentrate a little as he voice was hitched with her crying but heard what she said and he understood completely for he held the same fear.

I've had too many heartaches for my blistering hands.

"I know, I'm scared too."

"Really?" He blushed at her looking at him.

"Well, yeah. I can't even begin to imagine living my life without you but living my life with you and not being with you? It's terrifies me." He chuckled a little to try and soothe the rigid tension.

"I..." She trailed off hesitantly before his hand squeezed hers encouragingly.

"You what?" There was a long stilted silence before she managed to spit it out.

"I do love you though." At that moment he felt a wave of ecstasy wash over him. Even in her vulnerable state and muddled mind she still had the heart and bravery to tell him first.

"I love you too." This was the first time the car was filled with a comfortable silence as they both stared at one another, he could tell she was scared. Her eyes and body language gave away her insecurities. "And I promise I will never, ever leave you." Those were definitely the words she wanted to hear but she couldn't just accept them so readily, her heart was closed to prevent any feeling of pain.

"How do I know you're not just sayin' that?" Once again sniffling she pulled her hand from his grip.

"You want proof?"

"What?"

"I'll prove it to you." He nodded and smiled whilst his mind ran through the different displays he could do to show her he really meant what he was saying. Suddenly grabbing an idea and running away with it he opened his door quickly.

"Wait! Drake where are you-"

"I'm proving it to you." Climbing out  he randomly jumped up on to the roof of her car, forcing her to step out of the vehicle in shock.

"Oh my God! What are you doing? Are you completely outta your damn mind?"

"Yes, yes I am because I'm in love. I Aubrey Drake Graham am in love with with you, Onika Tanya Maraj." He spread his arms out and continued to yell it out as people started to look at them. That was all the proof she needed. Just hearing him say it so loudly and the genuine tone of his voice made her smile tearfully.

And I'll shout it from the rooftops. I am you, you are me.
You're the one who runs through my veins, 
like a hurricane.

You lift the hurt I've felt before, you and me we could own this Earth.

After around five minutes of gleefully declaring his love for her he jumped down to her level, smiling at how embarrassed she looked.

"You are so crazy."

"It's what you do to me." The cold air made his breath visible in front of her as he panted slightly from all his shouting. "That enough proof for you Onika?"

"More than enough." Smiling back at him she mirrored his actions as he pulled her into his arms before he kissed her once again.

That night was one she'd never forget, not in a million years. The memories were imprinted on her, to be kept forever. Laying with their bodies intertwined she smiled at how peaceful he looked. This time, their night of passion felt right, she felt his every touch filled with love. Still laying with her blissful thoughts she looked across her bedroom wall, her eyes landing on Kai. The love she held for him would never fade but nor would it hold back her strong feelings for Drake. She had room in her heart for all three of them. Sighing contently she smiled at the photo, knowing he couldn't see her but it still gave her a feeling of completeness. She turned gently to be face to face with Drake as he still slept. And so begins the start of their new life.


*I know it's short but it's the ennnnnnnd ^_^ If people would like me to continue then I might consider it, since I'm wrapping up maybe three of my Onikafaree stories :) If I do continue then I'll keep it here and it won't be based off of songs or song lyrics, just normal chapters :) Hope this was okaaay :/ Thanks for reading and to those who left comments last chapter!*

Thursday 3 January 2013

5. New York

*Thanks so much for all the comments! I hope this is okay for you all! the lyrics didn't really fit too well lol but I tried :/ I hate this chapter by the way but I needed to just post it so I could move on.*

The wolves they howled for my lost soul, I fell down a deep black hole.
He left me for another lady.

Why? That was the one worded question that wouldn't leave her mind as she walked the few steps up to her front door. Drake had gone, leaving her with only a letter to explain. Ironic really, since she'd just  written one herself to her dead fiance and lost child and now her newfound love was leaving her one to do the exact opposite. She'd called him what felt like a hundred times, leaving a voicemail with each failed attempt in hopes that it would make him come back. Pleading. Searching through her purse for her keys she swiped at the tears with her spare hand but became still noticing that her door wasn't locked. Her teary frown deepened knowing that she'd locked it. Shit like this was spooky to anyone but ever since the confrontation with the hooded figure who shot Kai she was constantly on edge, even more so due to the fact that the killer was never caught. Slowly pushing the door open she stepped in cautiously. Walking warily around the corner she screamed when the front of her body came chest to chest with another person.

"Onika it's me!" Her mother grabbed the sides of her arms and smiled uneasily as she watched her collect herself.

"Oh my God Mom! Don't do that!" Her hand was still pressed firmly to her chest whilst she let her purse slip to hang off of her forearm.

"I'm sorry, I sent you a message to let you know I was coming over, where were you? I thought you finished work at 5?" She kept on drying the plate she'd carried with her as she turned to head back to the kitchen with her daughter following.

"Yeah my phone died and I had some things to sort out, sorry."

"It's fine Nika." She gave her a sweet smile and returned to the washing up as Nicki took a seat at the breakfast bar. There was a long silence with only the swishing of the sink water being rinsed over plates and pans to be heard. "You were with him weren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Drake. That's where you were after work isn't it?"

"Well, yeah I had to go see'm but he wasn't home." There was a hint of both upset and attitude in her answer as she choked up slightly.

"Watch your tone Onika."

"No Mom, y'know what? I won't watch my tone. Ever since day one you've had this weird issue with Drake, why?" She snarled slightly as she spoke to her Mother's back.

"I don't have an issue with him Onika, but with the reason I feel you're attracted to him. Now stop acting like such a child, you're not a teenager anymore so I'm not about to stand here and scold you like one."

"Oh really? And just what is this reason that you feel I'm attracted to him? Hm? And as for me acting like a child, you're the one stood in my kitchen washin' my dishes like I can't handle it myself. Stop treatin' me like a child and maybe I'll stop actin' like one." She snatched her purse from the counter and slid off of the stool "Oh, and as for Drake and I, you don't have anythin' to worry about. He left." She sniped before marching purposefully up the stairs. The tears were well and truly flowing as she realised what she'd just behaved like. She knew it was because of Drake leaving but taking it all out on her Mother like that was way out of line, especially since she was only trying to help. She lay for an hour by herself, crying. She was sick of the wasted tears constantly rolling down her cheeks but that was something that she'd have to grow accustomed to. She felt like they were never going to end, like she was going to feel this way forever.

He took my hand one day and told me, he was leaving, me disbelieving.
And I had to let him go.

Back downstairs Carol had been deeply contemplating her departure but Onika obviously needed her. No matter how much she screamed or yelled there was no way she was going to leave her as well. Far too many loved ones had been snatched away from her already and thinking about it now, her main support system had now left her too. She fixed up some food and began cooking it before heading up to Nicki's room, however on her way up an unsealed envelope placed on the coffee table caught her eye. It was a letter to Kai. Frowning harshly she carefully pulled it open and immediately recognised Nicki's neat swirly handwriting as she sat down. She was instantly pulled into the letter by the raw emotion and she found herself sat in tears as she scanned each heartfelt line. Every single word was directly from her daughter's hurting heart. Nicki had always been one to write her emotions out, it was easier for her that way and having found her old writing scraps from when she was young carol knew not to bring it up with her. Obviously that was her way of coping and clearly it worked for her. That's when she realised, Kai and Drake had been the only two people she spoke her feelings too, asides from herself in the odd situation. After reading the letter Carol understood that her daughter's feelings for Aubrey were more than genuine.

Now I am on my own, he told me he was leaving and I was pleading.

Slowly and quietly making her way up the stairs she knocked lightly on her door. There was no response, which encouraged her to walk in. It was deathly quiet as she peered around, the curtains drawn and Nicki's small body curled up in the middle of her bed. Letting her eyes travel across the walls of the room she could only pictures of Kai and her together along with a montage of ultrasound images and a polaroid snapshot of Kai Jr. when he was born. His little body looked so lost in the blue blanket held close to Nicki's chest. At first Carol was hurt that Nicki wanted nobody present at the birth but after a long while thinking about it she understood how precious that one moment she'd share with her son was and she deserved that one moment to herself. After staring at the pictures for a while, she wiped the tears away quickly hearing Nicki stir behind her.

"He was so tiny." Her voice was cracking slightly, giving away the fact that she'd been crying before dropping to sleep.

"He was." She touched the photo again before moving over to the bed. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did, you're only tryna help." She sniffed and remained where she was, being calmed by her Mother stroking the hair from her face.

"Drake's really gone?"

"Yeah." It came out as a small whisper, one which told Carol she was fighting the tears once again as she avoided eye contact.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?" Her expression only showed confusion as she gazed up at her mother.

"Well, the Onika I know so well wouldn't just give up like this." Their eyes were still connected. "I read your letter to Kai."

"Oh, that." She faced away, staring ahead at the wall in front of her. "He made up his mind, he's gone to live in New York." Her sad answer was followed by a deep sigh.

"So go after him then."

"Mom I can't just up and leave like that, I have work and-"

"Other than work, what's stopping you from going out there and getting him back?" There was silence.

"You really think I should go?"

"I do. This is your chance to be happy Onika, so take it before it's snatched away from you again. Because God knows I can't deal with seeing you like this any longer." She leant down and kissed her forehead before standing. "Now get up and wash that face, dinner's almost ready and your brothers and Father are going to be here soon." She reached the door-frame and turned to look at her daughter. "Don't ever feel like you're alone in this world Nicki, we'll always be here for you. No matter what."

And it was New York, New York and she took his heart away.

Pleas don't make me go, to New York.


Dropping his luggage in the doorway he sighed before shutting the door. Last time he'd been out here it was nothing but smiles and laughter but this time it was different because he knew he had no intention of returning. No intention to see her again and that was killing him on the inside. Having left his neighbour with a letter for Nicki he was sure she'd get the letter. The sting in his heart got stronger with each word he wrote but there was no way he could be around her and not show his feelings. The thought of never seeing or touching her again was torturous. He had no doubt in his mind that New York would be the place to move to. It was what he liked to call his second love, his first obviously being Nicki. Laying back on the shabby apartment bed he pulled his phone out and turned it on, not at all surprised he had a million and one messages from her. He couldn't read them though, and he especially couldn't listen to her voicemail messages. Hearing her plead would just kill him. Instead he tore his shoes off and slept where he was, hoping for memories of her to subside. Making room for new ones.


***

"The back yard area needs a lot of work but with the right kind of attention it could really be something." She folded her lips and rested against the sliding glass door as the young coupled stared out at the garden.

"And the upstairs area? Can we take a look up there too?"

"Sure, right this way." She smiled at them holding hands before leading them the way. It was just another day as a real estate agent. She gave up on the idea of flying to New York weeks ago. It had officially been almost five weeks since he left and he hadn't returned any of her calls or texts, she didn't expect him to but never stopped trying nonetheless.

"Oh wow, it's pretty spacey up here." The man's voice sounded excited as he let go of his partner's hand. "How many bedroom's you say it had?"

"Well if you take away the upper level lounge-room it could be a five-bedroomed house." She looked back at his face as he approached his wife again.

"See? It's perfect, enough rooms for family when they visit and a room for when this little one arrives." He smiled into the kiss with one hand resting on her almost invisible bump. It was moments like these that hit her the hardest. Everything she was cruelly robbed of was unfolding before her very eyes.

"I don't know." She twisted her frame to look at Nicki unsurely. "Whatta you think? If you were in our position right now would you take a place like this?"

"Honestly? Yes I would and I'm not just sayin' that 'cause it's my job." She laughed. "But really though, take the opportunity. You don't know what could be taken from you tomorrow." She bit on her lip to hide the hurt as they looked at one another for a while.

"Okay."

"Seriously? We're really about to do this?" His eyes only showed excitement as he looked back at Nicki's pained expression. "Looks like we're about to buy our first house!"

"Hopefully the last too. I'ont wanna go through all that again, it was agonising." If only she really knew what struggle was.

"Great, I'll get things sorted with the owner." She smiled warmly. "Congratulations too by the way. I wish you both all the best for the future." Although she felt like her heart was physically hurting she wasn't one to hate out of jealousy. She truly was happy for this couple.

After watching them drive off she returned back to the kitchen area of the house, locking all the doors and double checking them before she headed back to the office to drop the keys off so she could go home. It was Friday, which meant taking the long route home to make a stop along the way. Knocking the sound down on the radio she pulled into the iron gates, feeling the car grind on the gravelly stones as she came to a stop. As soon as she cut the engine the silence overcame her. She hadn't even noticed the tears falling from her eyes. Quickly brushing them away she grabbed the flowers from the passenger seat and got out of the car, starting the short walk through the cemetery to where her loved ones lay to rest, side by side. The flowers from the Friday before were withered and dead on their headstones. She quickly pulled them away as she knelt to set the new ones in their place. This was her usual ritual, same time, same place, same feeling. Although the frosty air and darkness were creeping up on her she didn't care.

She sat with them for almost an hour and a half, talking to them as if they could actually hear her. Starting to feel the coldness through her gloves she kissed her fingers before placing them on Kai's headstone and doing the same for Baby Kai. Every time she visited them she expected her sorrow and grief to become lighter but it never did. This feeling was swallowing her, taking her deeper into a darkness she desperately wanted to escape more than anything. How much longer she could carry on with this she had no idea. Slowly picking her self up she dusted off her knees, letting the dirt drop back down to the ground.

"Y'know, he knew you loved the environment but kissing stones is takin' things a lil' far don't you think Onika?" Whipping her head around in surprise she just stared at his face. Her heart racing partly down to the fact that he'd scared the shit out of her and partly because it was him.
...

*The next chapter will be the lasssst. I'll somehow tie it all up and end it :) I don't know if I'll do a follow up fic or not, if people want that to happen then I will continue ^_^ Thanks for reading :) I hope this was alright.*