*Thanku so much for previous comments :) I never expected to get so many lol I hope this is okay, I've been struggling with writer's block and super self-doubting episodes haha*
"Do you think there's a baby in there?" Drake asked quietly as he lay resting on his front in between her legs, his head positioned gently on her stomach.
"I don't know. It's too early to tell yet, babe." Finishing her answer off with a yawn she kept on running her fingers through his curls. She knew she would have to get up soon before she dozed off again but the peace and quiet with him right now was too enjoyable.
"Y'know? The doctor said there are other opt-"
"Aubrey, please? I don't wanna talk about that right now." He knew he'd ruined the moment as she sat up slowly and stared at him. "C'mon, my Mom said dinner would on the table at eight." Patting his arm for him to move, she watched him as he rolled on to his back and let her up.
The silence once again filled the room as soon as she shut the bathroom door behind her. The last few weeks had been more than a little turbulent and this was their fourth time trying to get pregnant. He just hoped this time they'd witness the result they were both so desperate to see. A baby.
"Drake? Could you grab me a towel?" He was pulled from his growing thoughts and proceeded to do as his wife had asked and handed the towel to her. It needed to happen this time, for her sake more than anything. He hated seeing the disappointed look on her face when they took the test and she'd read she wasn't pregnant. The doctor had already hinted at the fact that it could be something to do with them and suggested other options for starting a family but Nicki wouldn't hear it. Not from the doctor's mouth and not from her husband's mouth.
"Gimme a yell when you're ready to go." He smiled and kissed her forehead before she stepped into the shower.
***
"Mom will be cursin'." She huffed and put her phone back in her lap before looking out of the window again.
"We're almost there, it'll be fine." Grasping at her hand he kissed it and continued on with the flow of traffic as soon as the lights changed. They were running a little late since Drake had decided to pounce on Nicki as soon as she hopped out of the shower, another spontaneous moment that had now made them late for her Father's birthday dinner.
"Next time you go jumpin' on me outta nowhere, do it when we got no plans."
"Yes ma'am."
"Shut up." She laughed and shoved his hand away as they pulled up to the curb. "Remember we're not tellin' anyone unti-"
"Until we know you're pregnant. I got it babe." Sharing another kiss they both exited the car and made their way inside. Nicki started squealing almost as soon as she saw her little brother, embracing him in a huge hug.
"Lambchop!" She whined. "I missed you!"
"I missed you too Nika." He started protesting when she planted kisses all over his head and pulled away from her as he wiped at his scalp. "Stooop!"
"Oh? You're too grown for my kisses now?"
"No." He looked around sheepishly. "Just not in front of everyone like that."
"Ungrateful." She shook her head playfully and continued though to the kitchen as Cai and Drake started messing around with his new remote controlled car.
"Onika, you made it." Quickly setting the bowls down she made her way over to her daughter and hugged her lovingly.
"Yeah, sorry we're a lil' late. We had some stuff to sort out before we got here." Flashing her dimples she set her purse on the table and shrugged out of her jacket. "Need any help?"
"Please, that would be great." After greeting the rest of her family and wishing he Father a happy birthday she returned to the kitchen to help her Mom.
"So how are things, Onika?"
"Good." She smiled and looked over at Carol happily. "Better than ever actually."
"I'm glad to hear that baby, hand me that colander would you?" Reaching over carefully she place the plastic sieve in her Mother's hand.
"How's Dad doin'? Y'know, with all his meds and stuff?" She frowned worriedly thinking about his decline in health as of late.
"He's fine, trooping on as usual." The sweet smile on her Mom's face wasn't convincing her one bit.
Back in the lounge room Drake had said his hello's to everyone before joining them in watching the TV. He knew how protective they all were of Nicki, especially after everything that had happened to her they didn't want her getting hurt again. That's why he will forever treasure the moment when her Father and brother both gave him their blessing to ask for Nicki's hand in marriage. It meant a lot to him. Although seeing Robert slowly heading downhill was pretty heartbreaking. Staring at the older man for a while Drake soon felt uncomfortable when he turned to look at him, obviously confused.
"Jay? Who is that sat over there? Do we know him?" The wrinkles in his brow were deep with thought as Jelani quickly glanced at Drake apologetically.
"Dad, that's Drake. You remember him, he's Nicki's husband." He paused to let the information sink in but he looked just as confused as before. "We went to their weddin' a couple weeks back, you walked Nic down the aisle, remember?"
"No, I don't." Looking down for a second he took in a breath and returned his gaze to Drizzy. "Nice to meet you, Drake was it?"
"Yeah, nice to meet you too Mr Maraj." He smiled and nodded courteously and let the elder continue watching TV.
"Sorry 'bout that, he's gettin' worse."
"Aye, don't worry 'bout it. Not like you can help it." He tried to reassure him but the look on his face was pained.
"It's definitely Alzheimer's, the doctor confirmed."
"There's nothin' else they can do?" He sat forward in his chair some more with a concerned expression.
"It's irreversible." Wiping his hand over his face he sighed loudly. "He remembers old stuff, but nothin' recent. It's really odd, like, stuff you'd assume an older person would never remember sticks with 'em but then they couldn't possibly tell you what they did this mornin'."
"Well, my prayers are with you. As long as he's got all of our support, things'll be fine."
"Thanks man."
"No problem." Sinking back in his chair he allowed his eyes to focus on the TV with Robert's.
***
"You are hands down the best cook I know." Drake praised Mama Carol as he pushed his empty plate away, only looking towards Nicki when she cleared her throat angrily. "Oh, apart from Nicki of course." Grinning sheepishly he leaned in and kissed her temple.
"Stop ass kissin'. Y'already made it clear my cooking doesn't cut it."
"Thank you, Aubrey. You still got room for dessert?"
"I can make room?" He laughed and rested his hand on Nicki's thigh under the table. "We can't stay too long though."
"Oh? What's the rush to leave here for?" She asked whilst standing up and gathering plates.
"There's no rush Mom, we just wanna visit the cemetery before they lock the gates."
"Oh, that reminds me!" She quickly scurried off and returned seconds later with a flat, square box. "I did this for you." Handing the small gift over everyone watched in anticipation as Nicki tore the paper off and pulled out a frame, inside it there was a small inscription with a photo of her baby next to it. It was from her Mom to Kai. She read over the heartfelt words, struggling to continue towards the end as her eyes had glazed over.
"Mom, I love it. Thank you." Quickly standing up she shared a hug with her Mother as Drake read over the written piece before handing it to Cai, who then handed it to Jelani after scanning the words. As they all continued to exchange small talk they heard Robert let out a small howl.
"Oh my, Onika?"
"Hmm?" She turned to look at him quickly with her lips folded into a small smile.
"Is this your little one? He's gotten so big, where is the little tyke?" He chuckled heartily and rubbed his thumb over the image. The whole table was overcome by a sorrowful silence. Nicki wasn't even able to make a noise as her heart moved up to her throat. Everyone's eyes were upon her frame before trying to avoid staring. Tearfully clearing her throat she stared down at her plate momentarily.
"Excuse me." Pushing her chair out she attempted to make a hasty exit to the bathroom before her tears escaped but was stopped by Drake's hand wrapping around her wrist.
"Nicki, wait." That was all he managed to get out before she pulled away from his grip and headed up the stairs quickly.
"Was it something I said?" Robert's face was the definition of concern as he looked between everyone. Their expressions all pretty much mirroring one another's
"No. No, of course not Dad. Nicki's just not feelin' too good. C'mon, how 'bout us three go eat dessert in the lounge?" Jelani widened his eyes at Cai and led them through to other room before moving back through to get their dessert bowls.
"I'll go see to her." Politely leaving the table Drake made his way upstairs, he checked the bathroom first but when he didn't find her in there he guessed she was in her old room. Bingo. She was laying on her side in the middle of her bed. Entering quietly he closed the door and climbed on to the bed, settling directly behind her. "He didn't say it on purpose y'know?"
"I know that, Drake. I'm not stupid." Her voice was all over the place as she trembled with each sob.
"I never said that." Wrapping his arms around her he prepared to be pushed away but instead she gripped on to his strong limbs.
"Sorry."
"You don't need to apologise." He kissed the back of her head and loosened his grip when she shuffled around to be face to face with him.
"I don't think I'm ready, I ju-" He cut her off, already knowing what she was going to say.
"Shh. I know, it's okay. Like I said, we got all the time in the world. There's no rush." He pulled her closer to himself and spoke into her hair. "I'm ready when you are."
Robert's little slip up understandably ended the dinner early but other than that the night was seemingly enjoyable. Being as exhausted as she was, Nicki fell asleep on the way to the cemetery only to feel more gloomy when she awoke to the rain hammering down on her window.
"Nice weather."
"I was just thinkin' that." He smiled and rubbed her thigh as they pulled on to the gravelly parking lot. "I reckon we got an umbrella in the back. Wait here, I'll have a look." Sliding out of the door he began rummaging in the trunk as Nicki stared aimlessly out of the window, frowning harshly when she saw a hint of colour from the distance. It only caught her attention because that was the direction she usually stared in as it was where Kai and her baby were laid to rest. Swiftly pushing her door open she started walking that way, not bothering to close her door behind her and alert Drake to her leaving the vehicle.
Growing nearer to the headstones she could hear Drake shouting for her as he jogged to catch up, his heart immediately dropped seeing the sight before him. The two graves to the left of Kai and five on the right were all graffitied and vandalised. A heartbroken Nicki on her knees before him, staring at her baby's broken headstone. Bringing his hand up to his face he moved over to the graves before crouching down in the rain next to her.
"Who would do something like this? He's just a baby!" Her cries increased in volume as he'd got closer to her.
"Heartless pricks. That's who." Shaking his head angrily he pushed the umbrella up and put it Nicki's hand. "Here, keep under this and stay dry, you're gonna get sick."
"What are you doing?" She sniffled and kept herself under the protection of the black umbrella as Drake started wiping furiously at the fluorescent stains. They wouldn't budge though. Giving up after minutes of violent scrubbing he turned his attention to the small headstone that was now in half. He figured whoever did this would have targeted baby Kai's gravestone because it was small enough to break in contrast to all the other tall and daunting statue like stones. Bending down slowly he lifted the chipped off block and sat it back in its original place. "It's okay, Aubrey. It's not gonna stay."
"I'll call the director's when we get home, sort out some new headstones. Yeah?" He didn't receive a verbal response. Only seeing her head nod underneath the black of the umbrella before she lay the flowers down and started heading solemnly back towards the car.
The whole car ride home was silent. The days events had gone way more badly than he'd imagined. Catastrophic was more the word. Turning the headlights off once they'd entered the garage he sighed when she got out of the car and moved inside without a word. Typical Nicki behaviour. It didn't alarm him but he'd prefer it if she spoke to him about her troubles, rather than lock them up and bury them. Following her into the house he shrugged out of his wet clothes and managed to get the fire going to dry everything off. After hearing water in the pipes he guessed she was showering and decided to wait in their bedroom for her to get out. She didn't take long to reappear, wrapped in a towel and her eyes all puffy.
"Nicki? Talk to me."
"What is there to say?" She shrugged after speaking nasally due to her shedding tears.
"What's on your mind?"
"Oh, I don't know." Slamming her moisturiser down forcefully after squirting some in her hands she began rubbing the cream into her skin roughly. "Well, for starter's my Father's health is on my mind, Aubrey! As well as the fact that some heartless motherfuckers vandalised my baby's grave and..." She trailed off when the tears overtook her sentence and became too much as she sat defeatedly on the edge of the bed. "What if it was a sign?"
...
Sunday 24 February 2013
Monday 28 January 2013
7. Wedded Bliss
"Oh my god, would you stop? The neighbours can see us." Nicki spoke as she wrapped her arms around his neck, securing herself as she clung on to his front.
"Nobody can see us, it's fine." Wading slowly over to the other side of the pool he pushed her back gently up against the side, easing the strain she was feeling on her legs as she tried to keep them wrapped securely around his waist. She could feel him move his hands from under her ass whilst he tried to pull at her bikini bottoms.
"Drake."
"Nicki."
"Seriously, Aubrey stop." The end of her demand faded out as her breathing hitched. The result of his tender touch.
"You really want me to stop?" He asked with a smirk, knowing full well that her answer would probably have changed. They were spending the day lazing around their villa in sunny Spain. A honeymoon surprise Drake had organised especially for her.
"Mmm."
"What was that? I didn't catch what you said."
"No." She exhaled blissfully. "Don't stop. Keep going." Slowly opening her eyes she stared at his face before bringing her wet hand to his jawline and caressing it affectionately. He stopped touching her for a spilt second to pull at the knot on her bikini, it was off in no time before he continued with his teasing fingertips. Their eye contact remained locked before she moved in to kiss him, sucking slowly on his bottom lip as he proceeded to please her. Feeling herself becoming more and more aroused she returned her arm to his neck and pulled away from the passionate embrace their tongues were involved in.
"Hold up a minute." Stopping all movement he looked around edgily as did she before he cautiously removed his swimming shorts. Giving her a moment to collect herself she ran her dripping fingers through her hair before squinting up at the next door neighbours balcony. They were a fairly elderly couple, enjoying a cool beverage on this sunny evening. Flashing them an uncomfortable smile she soon focused back on her newlywed husband as he teased her entrance with his tip.
"Ah." She flinched at his teasing manner. "Drake we can't, the neighbours are watching." She whined before he looked up at their balcony and gave them a small wave whilst laughing. They had no idea.
"They're not, I promise. Besides, what they gon' do about it?" Easing himself into her he sighed contently as she let a small whimper escape. "Oh God." She moaned. "That feels so good."
"You're so...tight." His shaky exhale made her smile. "Damn Nicki." Letting his face contort with pleasure he lifted her up some more and held on firmly to her waist as he moved her up and down. They were both struggling to suppress their feelings of pleasure, not wanting to put on an adult show for their neighbours. After kissing her some more he moved his attention down to her light pink bikini top, her boobs slowly bouncing as she moved back and forth on him. He could feel her teeth on the nape of his neck as she could feel his on the flesh of her chest. Pulling urgently at one side of her top he yanked it down before covering her nipple with his mouth. His added form of pleasure only made her hips move faster as she felt the signal of her orgasm coming.
"Ah shit." She hissed before moaning out considerably loudly. "Ohh I'm gonna cum." Her groans were nothing but noises of pure lust being echoed into his ear, her stilted and struggling breath sending chills down his spine as the water surrounding them rippled with their movement. Feeling her pull away and throw her head back he stopped sucking on her chest only for her mouth to take its place as she brought her focus back to him, her hips now moving in a circular motion and driving him crazy. Suddenly sensing her body stiffen, no noise escaped her mouth as she rode out the wave of pleasure. Her walls pulsating around him before she came with a lengthy moan. Her whole body fell limp but she continued to grind against him before she felt him swell inside of her and groan throatily into her neck as he released himself. Staying in the same position she ran her long talon-like nails up and down the back of his neck as her head rested sleepily on his shoulder.
"I love you." The words he spoke vibrated in his neck, making her face tingle.
"I love you too." Feeling the cool breeze blowing over their water-beaded skin made them both shiver. Her finger tips were still submerged in the water since her arms were laying lifelessly over his broad shoulders and her legs still wrapped around him.
"We better make a move." Shifting slightly he pulled out of her gently and let her down, her stomach and upwards now joining the rest of her body in the water.
"Our nosy neighbours left the show early." She smiled and returned her gaze back to the now abandoned balcony the elderly couple once sat on.
"That's because noisy Nika put them off."
"Shut up." She splashed him playfully. "You love it when I'm noisy." Floating along side him he couldn't help but smile. He loved seeing her like this. Au natural and happy at the same time. "What are you looking at?" Her cheeky smile made him smirk.
"My beautiful wife." He only broke their eye connection briefly as he grabbed his shorts which were floating on the surface of the water next to him.
"Where are my bottoms?" Frowning a little she stood on her tippy-toes before her feet could fully touch the tiled floor of the shallow end as she pushed her boob back into her bikini top.
"Oh, I'onno." he shrugged after stepping skilfully into his trunks. "Looks like you lost 'em."
"Don't give me that. You know where they are, now give them back."
"Who says I know where they at?"
"Draaake!" She danced on the spot irritably, the cold was really getting to her.
"Aight, calm down I got 'em." The small half smile he exhibited made her scowl playfully before he handed them to her and let her put them on.
"Carry me."
"Carry me, what?"
She rolled her eyes dramatically before speaking again. "Carry me, please?"
"Of course. Hop on little one." Not asking twice she climbed tiredly on to his back and let him loop his arms around her legs as he carried them both up the tiled steps and on to the decking before heading inside.
Their little pool love-making session had left them both tired, this became more evident to Drake after they showered and Nicki fell asleep face down on the bed whilst he lotioned her body. Once he'd covered her up he made his way downstairs and grabbed the menus from the fridge magnet. He couldn't believe their three weeks of heaven were almost over. They'd been together for two years before he got down on one knee on the steps where they first kissed and proposed to her, his dream literally coming true when she tearfully said yes before he slipped the ring on to her finger. It seemed like only yesterday but in reality it was almost a year ago. To think that three years ago he almost gave up on what he could have had, what he has. Returning from New York that night was undoubtedly the best decision he'd ever made. Smiling at the memories he picked up the phone and ordered them something satisfying to eat.
***
"Mmm, that was so good." She licked her lips between mouthfuls and looked at him. "Where'd you say this was from?"
"That sports bar place down the road."
"Forreal?" She widened her eyes in shock. "Damn, we have to go there again before we leave." After wiping her hands with a napkin she shuffled back into his arms, resting between his legs with her back against his front. "I can't believe we have to go home after tomorrow."
"I know, I don't want this to end." He snaked his fingers through hers and held her hand as they spoke.
"Ugh, It's gonna be so cold back in Philly too." She sighed at the thought of it, until something else began to trouble her mind. "Drake?"
"Yeah?" His eyes followed the back of her head until she was fully facing him. Her eyes lay on her hands as she talked.
"Were you serious about what we discussed on the plane?" His brow furrowed seeing her behaving so nervously. Stroking the length of her hand gently he encouraged her to look up at him.
"Very serious. Why? You havin' second thoughts?"
"No! No, of course not." She breathed calmly. "I just want to be sure that this is what we both want."
"There is nothing I want more than to have a baby with you. I love you." Squeezing her fingers delicately he kissed her hand and pulled her back to him. "There's no rush though, we got the rest of our lives."
"I know but I feel like I'm ready now, don't you? I mean I'm gonna be twenty-six in a few weeks."
"Babe, listen to what you just said." He laughed a little causing her head to move around on his chest. "Twenty-six is nothin'. Besides we already started baby-making in the pool. We didn't use a condom." Kissing her temple he let his face stayed pressed to the side of her head.
"I'm on the pill Mr Graham."
"Oh. Well then you should prolly get off it so I can get to work."
"What?" She laughed hard and sat forward before slapping his stomach. "Whatever! I'm going to bed, we're getting up early."
"We are?" He followed behind her as they headed up the stairs.
"Yup. We're going to that market-place thing. I wanna get my Mom something to take back, it's not everyday you get to go to Spain." Upon entering their room she started running the tap to heat the water.
"Kay, well sounds like tomorrow's all sorted." Taking a seat on the edge of their huge bed he yawned and looked on to the balcony. The jacuzzi was sat with the cover still on it, they hadn't even used it yet. Back in the bathroom she was just patting her face dry when she heard the glass doors sliding open.
"Babe? Was that you?" There was no answer. Turning the light off she moved back into the room only to see him sat in the tub, the bubbles obviously easing his back muscles. She smiled and continued to watch him before slipping out of the shirt of his that she was wearing and joined him outside.
"Oh Nicki, you gotta try this." He never opened his eyes whilst he murmured and jumped after a few seconds when he felt her straddle him. She'd stepped in ever so quietly, her goosebumps disappearing from her naked body as she got further into the steaming water. His hands immediately went to her hips and hers to his shoulders.
"So you're sure about this then?" She whispered and kissed him lightly before he could respond.
"Let's make a baby."
***
The rest of their honeymoon went smoothly and both were sad to see it come to an end but the excitement of starting their life together as husband and wife now was bringing their spirits back up. Rubbing her eyes she sat herself up and pulled the window cover up. She could see the city growing more distinct below them as the clouds grew thinner.
"Babe, we're abouta land. You need to put you chair up." Holding his forearm she watched him intently as he woke himself and wiped at his mouth.
"What?"
"We're home, the plane's gonna land soon."
"How long?" She couldn't help but smile as he stretched his arms up like a kid and yawned.
"I'm not sure, but I need to pee while the seatbelt sign's off. Budge your butt."
"Aight, me too."
Making their way down the aisle to the bathroom she swiftly grabbed his hand, stopping him from feeling up on her in public.
"There are kids on this plane y'know?"
"Yeah but this is technically still our honeymoon." He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.
"I'm not goin' in the cubicle with you, so if that's what you're chasin' then you can stop right now."
"Killjoy."
"Boy, shut up and go pee." She pushed him lightly and continued to wait her turn before they moved back to their seats and buckled in.
"Hey, look at this." Nodding his head in the direction of the seats nearby she looked over and felt her heart melt. A young woman was rubbing her baby's back as she tried to burp him. His little eyes focused on the both of them before his gummy smile made them grin.
"Awww, he's so cute." He felt her hand clutching at his and looked over her face as she continued to stare. She really wanted a baby.
***
They'd been home for almost four weeks before she actually booked an appointment with her doctor she was taking absolutely no risks this time. It had taken all these years to come to terms with losing her first baby and she wasn't about to experience that kind of trauma again. Ever.
"What time'd you get us in for?" He spun around on the office chair as she entered with his drink.
"Four, that okay?"
"That's perfect. He smiled lovingly. "C'mere." Moving his hands from his lap he made room for her to sit on him, he could tell she was fretting. "Everythin's gon' be okay y'know?"
"Please, don't say that?" She pushed herself off of him and stared down at his face. "You don't know for sure, I mean anythin' could happen." Her words made him look away and sigh. "Look, I just don't wanna get my hopes up. That's all. I know you're only tryin' to help."
"I wanna say somethin' before we get into his whole baby situation." He waited for her to acknowledge him before he continued. "It's not gonna be you and the baby. It'll be us, so I'm gonna be involved. I don't wanna feel pushed out, so please don't make me feel like an outsider in all of this Onika?" There was silence once he'd finished.
"I'm not tryin' to make you feel like that."
"I know you're not." He stood up, quickly regretting what he'd said when he caught a glimpse of the photo taken when Kai was born. His lifeless body cradled in her arms, his existence cruelly snatched from her. "I didn't mean you were, I just don't wanna be on the outside lookin' in, y'know? This'll be our baby and our life." He enveloped her in a hug and kissed her head, feeling her arms wrap around his waist too he relaxed. "So what's gonna go down at this appointment then?"
"Well, I just want some medical advice. Plus I wanna know if they think I'm in the right place, mentally and emotionally to be tryin' to get pregnant."
"What if they say you're not?"
"Then we wait 'til I am, I guess." She pulled away and grabbed her cup, sipping from it slowly. "Oh, and I'ont wanna tell my family just yet. I think we should wait 'til I'm actually pregnant before we go announcing things. Agreed?"
"Agreed."
*I know not too many ppl were super bothered about me continuing but I had partially written this up anyway so I posted it XD Hope this was okay, and thanks to those who commented on chapter 6 :))*
"Nobody can see us, it's fine." Wading slowly over to the other side of the pool he pushed her back gently up against the side, easing the strain she was feeling on her legs as she tried to keep them wrapped securely around his waist. She could feel him move his hands from under her ass whilst he tried to pull at her bikini bottoms.
"Drake."
"Nicki."
"Seriously, Aubrey stop." The end of her demand faded out as her breathing hitched. The result of his tender touch.
"You really want me to stop?" He asked with a smirk, knowing full well that her answer would probably have changed. They were spending the day lazing around their villa in sunny Spain. A honeymoon surprise Drake had organised especially for her.
"Mmm."
"What was that? I didn't catch what you said."
"No." She exhaled blissfully. "Don't stop. Keep going." Slowly opening her eyes she stared at his face before bringing her wet hand to his jawline and caressing it affectionately. He stopped touching her for a spilt second to pull at the knot on her bikini, it was off in no time before he continued with his teasing fingertips. Their eye contact remained locked before she moved in to kiss him, sucking slowly on his bottom lip as he proceeded to please her. Feeling herself becoming more and more aroused she returned her arm to his neck and pulled away from the passionate embrace their tongues were involved in.
"Hold up a minute." Stopping all movement he looked around edgily as did she before he cautiously removed his swimming shorts. Giving her a moment to collect herself she ran her dripping fingers through her hair before squinting up at the next door neighbours balcony. They were a fairly elderly couple, enjoying a cool beverage on this sunny evening. Flashing them an uncomfortable smile she soon focused back on her newlywed husband as he teased her entrance with his tip.
"Ah." She flinched at his teasing manner. "Drake we can't, the neighbours are watching." She whined before he looked up at their balcony and gave them a small wave whilst laughing. They had no idea.
"They're not, I promise. Besides, what they gon' do about it?" Easing himself into her he sighed contently as she let a small whimper escape. "Oh God." She moaned. "That feels so good."
"You're so...tight." His shaky exhale made her smile. "Damn Nicki." Letting his face contort with pleasure he lifted her up some more and held on firmly to her waist as he moved her up and down. They were both struggling to suppress their feelings of pleasure, not wanting to put on an adult show for their neighbours. After kissing her some more he moved his attention down to her light pink bikini top, her boobs slowly bouncing as she moved back and forth on him. He could feel her teeth on the nape of his neck as she could feel his on the flesh of her chest. Pulling urgently at one side of her top he yanked it down before covering her nipple with his mouth. His added form of pleasure only made her hips move faster as she felt the signal of her orgasm coming.
"Ah shit." She hissed before moaning out considerably loudly. "Ohh I'm gonna cum." Her groans were nothing but noises of pure lust being echoed into his ear, her stilted and struggling breath sending chills down his spine as the water surrounding them rippled with their movement. Feeling her pull away and throw her head back he stopped sucking on her chest only for her mouth to take its place as she brought her focus back to him, her hips now moving in a circular motion and driving him crazy. Suddenly sensing her body stiffen, no noise escaped her mouth as she rode out the wave of pleasure. Her walls pulsating around him before she came with a lengthy moan. Her whole body fell limp but she continued to grind against him before she felt him swell inside of her and groan throatily into her neck as he released himself. Staying in the same position she ran her long talon-like nails up and down the back of his neck as her head rested sleepily on his shoulder.
"I love you." The words he spoke vibrated in his neck, making her face tingle.
"I love you too." Feeling the cool breeze blowing over their water-beaded skin made them both shiver. Her finger tips were still submerged in the water since her arms were laying lifelessly over his broad shoulders and her legs still wrapped around him.
"We better make a move." Shifting slightly he pulled out of her gently and let her down, her stomach and upwards now joining the rest of her body in the water.
"Our nosy neighbours left the show early." She smiled and returned her gaze back to the now abandoned balcony the elderly couple once sat on.
"That's because noisy Nika put them off."
"Shut up." She splashed him playfully. "You love it when I'm noisy." Floating along side him he couldn't help but smile. He loved seeing her like this. Au natural and happy at the same time. "What are you looking at?" Her cheeky smile made him smirk.
"My beautiful wife." He only broke their eye connection briefly as he grabbed his shorts which were floating on the surface of the water next to him.
"Where are my bottoms?" Frowning a little she stood on her tippy-toes before her feet could fully touch the tiled floor of the shallow end as she pushed her boob back into her bikini top.
"Oh, I'onno." he shrugged after stepping skilfully into his trunks. "Looks like you lost 'em."
"Don't give me that. You know where they are, now give them back."
"Who says I know where they at?"
"Draaake!" She danced on the spot irritably, the cold was really getting to her.
"Aight, calm down I got 'em." The small half smile he exhibited made her scowl playfully before he handed them to her and let her put them on.
"Carry me."
"Carry me, what?"
She rolled her eyes dramatically before speaking again. "Carry me, please?"
"Of course. Hop on little one." Not asking twice she climbed tiredly on to his back and let him loop his arms around her legs as he carried them both up the tiled steps and on to the decking before heading inside.
Their little pool love-making session had left them both tired, this became more evident to Drake after they showered and Nicki fell asleep face down on the bed whilst he lotioned her body. Once he'd covered her up he made his way downstairs and grabbed the menus from the fridge magnet. He couldn't believe their three weeks of heaven were almost over. They'd been together for two years before he got down on one knee on the steps where they first kissed and proposed to her, his dream literally coming true when she tearfully said yes before he slipped the ring on to her finger. It seemed like only yesterday but in reality it was almost a year ago. To think that three years ago he almost gave up on what he could have had, what he has. Returning from New York that night was undoubtedly the best decision he'd ever made. Smiling at the memories he picked up the phone and ordered them something satisfying to eat.
***
"Mmm, that was so good." She licked her lips between mouthfuls and looked at him. "Where'd you say this was from?"
"That sports bar place down the road."
"Forreal?" She widened her eyes in shock. "Damn, we have to go there again before we leave." After wiping her hands with a napkin she shuffled back into his arms, resting between his legs with her back against his front. "I can't believe we have to go home after tomorrow."
"I know, I don't want this to end." He snaked his fingers through hers and held her hand as they spoke.
"Ugh, It's gonna be so cold back in Philly too." She sighed at the thought of it, until something else began to trouble her mind. "Drake?"
"Yeah?" His eyes followed the back of her head until she was fully facing him. Her eyes lay on her hands as she talked.
"Were you serious about what we discussed on the plane?" His brow furrowed seeing her behaving so nervously. Stroking the length of her hand gently he encouraged her to look up at him.
"Very serious. Why? You havin' second thoughts?"
"No! No, of course not." She breathed calmly. "I just want to be sure that this is what we both want."
"There is nothing I want more than to have a baby with you. I love you." Squeezing her fingers delicately he kissed her hand and pulled her back to him. "There's no rush though, we got the rest of our lives."
"I know but I feel like I'm ready now, don't you? I mean I'm gonna be twenty-six in a few weeks."
"Babe, listen to what you just said." He laughed a little causing her head to move around on his chest. "Twenty-six is nothin'. Besides we already started baby-making in the pool. We didn't use a condom." Kissing her temple he let his face stayed pressed to the side of her head.
"I'm on the pill Mr Graham."
"Oh. Well then you should prolly get off it so I can get to work."
"What?" She laughed hard and sat forward before slapping his stomach. "Whatever! I'm going to bed, we're getting up early."
"We are?" He followed behind her as they headed up the stairs.
"Yup. We're going to that market-place thing. I wanna get my Mom something to take back, it's not everyday you get to go to Spain." Upon entering their room she started running the tap to heat the water.
"Kay, well sounds like tomorrow's all sorted." Taking a seat on the edge of their huge bed he yawned and looked on to the balcony. The jacuzzi was sat with the cover still on it, they hadn't even used it yet. Back in the bathroom she was just patting her face dry when she heard the glass doors sliding open.
"Babe? Was that you?" There was no answer. Turning the light off she moved back into the room only to see him sat in the tub, the bubbles obviously easing his back muscles. She smiled and continued to watch him before slipping out of the shirt of his that she was wearing and joined him outside.
"Oh Nicki, you gotta try this." He never opened his eyes whilst he murmured and jumped after a few seconds when he felt her straddle him. She'd stepped in ever so quietly, her goosebumps disappearing from her naked body as she got further into the steaming water. His hands immediately went to her hips and hers to his shoulders.
"So you're sure about this then?" She whispered and kissed him lightly before he could respond.
"Let's make a baby."
***
The rest of their honeymoon went smoothly and both were sad to see it come to an end but the excitement of starting their life together as husband and wife now was bringing their spirits back up. Rubbing her eyes she sat herself up and pulled the window cover up. She could see the city growing more distinct below them as the clouds grew thinner.
"Babe, we're abouta land. You need to put you chair up." Holding his forearm she watched him intently as he woke himself and wiped at his mouth.
"What?"
"We're home, the plane's gonna land soon."
"How long?" She couldn't help but smile as he stretched his arms up like a kid and yawned.
"I'm not sure, but I need to pee while the seatbelt sign's off. Budge your butt."
"Aight, me too."
Making their way down the aisle to the bathroom she swiftly grabbed his hand, stopping him from feeling up on her in public.
"There are kids on this plane y'know?"
"Yeah but this is technically still our honeymoon." He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.
"I'm not goin' in the cubicle with you, so if that's what you're chasin' then you can stop right now."
"Killjoy."
"Boy, shut up and go pee." She pushed him lightly and continued to wait her turn before they moved back to their seats and buckled in.
"Hey, look at this." Nodding his head in the direction of the seats nearby she looked over and felt her heart melt. A young woman was rubbing her baby's back as she tried to burp him. His little eyes focused on the both of them before his gummy smile made them grin.
"Awww, he's so cute." He felt her hand clutching at his and looked over her face as she continued to stare. She really wanted a baby.
***
They'd been home for almost four weeks before she actually booked an appointment with her doctor she was taking absolutely no risks this time. It had taken all these years to come to terms with losing her first baby and she wasn't about to experience that kind of trauma again. Ever.
"What time'd you get us in for?" He spun around on the office chair as she entered with his drink.
"Four, that okay?"
"That's perfect. He smiled lovingly. "C'mere." Moving his hands from his lap he made room for her to sit on him, he could tell she was fretting. "Everythin's gon' be okay y'know?"
"Please, don't say that?" She pushed herself off of him and stared down at his face. "You don't know for sure, I mean anythin' could happen." Her words made him look away and sigh. "Look, I just don't wanna get my hopes up. That's all. I know you're only tryin' to help."
"I wanna say somethin' before we get into his whole baby situation." He waited for her to acknowledge him before he continued. "It's not gonna be you and the baby. It'll be us, so I'm gonna be involved. I don't wanna feel pushed out, so please don't make me feel like an outsider in all of this Onika?" There was silence once he'd finished.
"I'm not tryin' to make you feel like that."
"I know you're not." He stood up, quickly regretting what he'd said when he caught a glimpse of the photo taken when Kai was born. His lifeless body cradled in her arms, his existence cruelly snatched from her. "I didn't mean you were, I just don't wanna be on the outside lookin' in, y'know? This'll be our baby and our life." He enveloped her in a hug and kissed her head, feeling her arms wrap around his waist too he relaxed. "So what's gonna go down at this appointment then?"
"Well, I just want some medical advice. Plus I wanna know if they think I'm in the right place, mentally and emotionally to be tryin' to get pregnant."
"What if they say you're not?"
"Then we wait 'til I am, I guess." She pulled away and grabbed her cup, sipping from it slowly. "Oh, and I'ont wanna tell my family just yet. I think we should wait 'til I'm actually pregnant before we go announcing things. Agreed?"
"Agreed."
*I know not too many ppl were super bothered about me continuing but I had partially written this up anyway so I posted it XD Hope this was okay, and thanks to those who commented on chapter 6 :))*
Tuesday 22 January 2013
6. Freedom
*I've said this before but my Onikafaree fics are a lot more popular than my Dricki ones, so I apologise if I don't post on these ones as often. Hope this is okay and yes this is the last chapter, it's only mini but it ends on a happy note :)*
"Why did you come back?"
"I thought that woulda been kinda obvious Nicki." He licked his lips as the car fell back into silence, hearing only the road beneath the tires as they drove. He'd made his way to the cemetery on foot knowing that he needed time to think. Deep down he knew she would act this way but decided to keep his cool so as not to cause any more friction.
"Not really, I mean the way you just left like that you made it seem so easy to walk away."
"It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do actually."
"Of course it was." She kept her eyes on the road, answering him coldly when really all she wanted to do was break down in tears and wrap her arms around his neck.
"I know you're upset and me leaving was prolly not-"
"The best idea? No it wasn't. So, after losing Kai and our baby you just sat there and thought hey what's one more person gonna do to her? No Drake! I needed you here and you just walked out on me. You left me." The hurt started to crack through in her voice as she fought the tears.
"Pull over."
"What? Drake no, I'm not pu-"
"I said pull over." He raised his voice slightly making her grip the wheel tighter in her hands as she roughly snatched it to the side. They came to a stop on the roadside. "I don't know what you want Onika. Tell me, show me or something just anything! 'Cause I sure as hell didn't come all the way back here only to be shut down again!" His shaky breathing filled in the silence as she finally realised how she was behaving. She was really screwing with him without even knowing it. "Y'know? All the messages and the calls made me think that you really did feel somethin'! Then I get back here and what happens? You push me away again. I can't do this anymore Nicki, I won't do it anymore." Reaching for the door handle he stopped when he heard her soft voice.
"I'm sorry." He looked up a little surprised, he'd half expected her to not say a word and let him walk away but for her to say she was sorry was like a newfound hope for him. For them. "I just didn't wanna lose you." She sniffled as she began to cry, keeping her gaze fixed straight ahead at the late-night traffic.
"But you wouldn't have been losin' me, I don't understand how you could think that." Noticing that he'd softened his voice considerably she looked at him as he grasped on to her hand.
"Because of this Drake! We're not even together and look at us, what'll happen when we really do have a huge argument? If you walk out on me for good? I can't have you leave me like that." He had to concentrate a little as he voice was hitched with her crying but heard what she said and he understood completely for he held the same fear.
I've had too many heartaches for my blistering hands.
"I know, I'm scared too."
"Really?" He blushed at her looking at him.
"Well, yeah. I can't even begin to imagine living my life without you but living my life with you and not being with you? It's terrifies me." He chuckled a little to try and soothe the rigid tension.
"I..." She trailed off hesitantly before his hand squeezed hers encouragingly.
"You what?" There was a long stilted silence before she managed to spit it out.
"I do love you though." At that moment he felt a wave of ecstasy wash over him. Even in her vulnerable state and muddled mind she still had the heart and bravery to tell him first.
"I love you too." This was the first time the car was filled with a comfortable silence as they both stared at one another, he could tell she was scared. Her eyes and body language gave away her insecurities. "And I promise I will never, ever leave you." Those were definitely the words she wanted to hear but she couldn't just accept them so readily, her heart was closed to prevent any feeling of pain.
"How do I know you're not just sayin' that?" Once again sniffling she pulled her hand from his grip.
"You want proof?"
"What?"
"I'll prove it to you." He nodded and smiled whilst his mind ran through the different displays he could do to show her he really meant what he was saying. Suddenly grabbing an idea and running away with it he opened his door quickly.
"Wait! Drake where are you-"
"I'm proving it to you." Climbing out he randomly jumped up on to the roof of her car, forcing her to step out of the vehicle in shock.
"Oh my God! What are you doing? Are you completely outta your damn mind?"
"Yes, yes I am because I'm in love. I Aubrey Drake Graham am in love with with you, Onika Tanya Maraj." He spread his arms out and continued to yell it out as people started to look at them. That was all the proof she needed. Just hearing him say it so loudly and the genuine tone of his voice made her smile tearfully.
And I'll shout it from the rooftops. I am you, you are me.
You're the one who runs through my veins,
like a hurricane.
You lift the hurt I've felt before, you and me we could own this Earth.
After around five minutes of gleefully declaring his love for her he jumped down to her level, smiling at how embarrassed she looked.
"You are so crazy."
"It's what you do to me." The cold air made his breath visible in front of her as he panted slightly from all his shouting. "That enough proof for you Onika?"
"More than enough." Smiling back at him she mirrored his actions as he pulled her into his arms before he kissed her once again.
That night was one she'd never forget, not in a million years. The memories were imprinted on her, to be kept forever. Laying with their bodies intertwined she smiled at how peaceful he looked. This time, their night of passion felt right, she felt his every touch filled with love. Still laying with her blissful thoughts she looked across her bedroom wall, her eyes landing on Kai. The love she held for him would never fade but nor would it hold back her strong feelings for Drake. She had room in her heart for all three of them. Sighing contently she smiled at the photo, knowing he couldn't see her but it still gave her a feeling of completeness. She turned gently to be face to face with Drake as he still slept. And so begins the start of their new life.
*I know it's short but it's the ennnnnnnd ^_^ If people would like me to continue then I might consider it, since I'm wrapping up maybe three of my Onikafaree stories :) If I do continue then I'll keep it here and it won't be based off of songs or song lyrics, just normal chapters :) Hope this was okaaay :/ Thanks for reading and to those who left comments last chapter!*
If you left me, how could I go on?
If you walked away from me baby, all the right would turn wrong.
"Why did you come back?"
"I thought that woulda been kinda obvious Nicki." He licked his lips as the car fell back into silence, hearing only the road beneath the tires as they drove. He'd made his way to the cemetery on foot knowing that he needed time to think. Deep down he knew she would act this way but decided to keep his cool so as not to cause any more friction.
"Not really, I mean the way you just left like that you made it seem so easy to walk away."
"It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do actually."
"Of course it was." She kept her eyes on the road, answering him coldly when really all she wanted to do was break down in tears and wrap her arms around his neck.
"I know you're upset and me leaving was prolly not-"
"The best idea? No it wasn't. So, after losing Kai and our baby you just sat there and thought hey what's one more person gonna do to her? No Drake! I needed you here and you just walked out on me. You left me." The hurt started to crack through in her voice as she fought the tears.
"Pull over."
"What? Drake no, I'm not pu-"
"I said pull over." He raised his voice slightly making her grip the wheel tighter in her hands as she roughly snatched it to the side. They came to a stop on the roadside. "I don't know what you want Onika. Tell me, show me or something just anything! 'Cause I sure as hell didn't come all the way back here only to be shut down again!" His shaky breathing filled in the silence as she finally realised how she was behaving. She was really screwing with him without even knowing it. "Y'know? All the messages and the calls made me think that you really did feel somethin'! Then I get back here and what happens? You push me away again. I can't do this anymore Nicki, I won't do it anymore." Reaching for the door handle he stopped when he heard her soft voice.
"I'm sorry." He looked up a little surprised, he'd half expected her to not say a word and let him walk away but for her to say she was sorry was like a newfound hope for him. For them. "I just didn't wanna lose you." She sniffled as she began to cry, keeping her gaze fixed straight ahead at the late-night traffic.
"But you wouldn't have been losin' me, I don't understand how you could think that." Noticing that he'd softened his voice considerably she looked at him as he grasped on to her hand.
"Because of this Drake! We're not even together and look at us, what'll happen when we really do have a huge argument? If you walk out on me for good? I can't have you leave me like that." He had to concentrate a little as he voice was hitched with her crying but heard what she said and he understood completely for he held the same fear.
I've had too many heartaches for my blistering hands.
"I know, I'm scared too."
"Really?" He blushed at her looking at him.
"Well, yeah. I can't even begin to imagine living my life without you but living my life with you and not being with you? It's terrifies me." He chuckled a little to try and soothe the rigid tension.
"I..." She trailed off hesitantly before his hand squeezed hers encouragingly.
"You what?" There was a long stilted silence before she managed to spit it out.
"I do love you though." At that moment he felt a wave of ecstasy wash over him. Even in her vulnerable state and muddled mind she still had the heart and bravery to tell him first.
"I love you too." This was the first time the car was filled with a comfortable silence as they both stared at one another, he could tell she was scared. Her eyes and body language gave away her insecurities. "And I promise I will never, ever leave you." Those were definitely the words she wanted to hear but she couldn't just accept them so readily, her heart was closed to prevent any feeling of pain.
"How do I know you're not just sayin' that?" Once again sniffling she pulled her hand from his grip.
"You want proof?"
"What?"
"I'll prove it to you." He nodded and smiled whilst his mind ran through the different displays he could do to show her he really meant what he was saying. Suddenly grabbing an idea and running away with it he opened his door quickly.
"Wait! Drake where are you-"
"I'm proving it to you." Climbing out he randomly jumped up on to the roof of her car, forcing her to step out of the vehicle in shock.
"Oh my God! What are you doing? Are you completely outta your damn mind?"
"Yes, yes I am because I'm in love. I Aubrey Drake Graham am in love with with you, Onika Tanya Maraj." He spread his arms out and continued to yell it out as people started to look at them. That was all the proof she needed. Just hearing him say it so loudly and the genuine tone of his voice made her smile tearfully.
And I'll shout it from the rooftops. I am you, you are me.
You're the one who runs through my veins,
like a hurricane.
You lift the hurt I've felt before, you and me we could own this Earth.
After around five minutes of gleefully declaring his love for her he jumped down to her level, smiling at how embarrassed she looked.
"You are so crazy."
"It's what you do to me." The cold air made his breath visible in front of her as he panted slightly from all his shouting. "That enough proof for you Onika?"
"More than enough." Smiling back at him she mirrored his actions as he pulled her into his arms before he kissed her once again.
That night was one she'd never forget, not in a million years. The memories were imprinted on her, to be kept forever. Laying with their bodies intertwined she smiled at how peaceful he looked. This time, their night of passion felt right, she felt his every touch filled with love. Still laying with her blissful thoughts she looked across her bedroom wall, her eyes landing on Kai. The love she held for him would never fade but nor would it hold back her strong feelings for Drake. She had room in her heart for all three of them. Sighing contently she smiled at the photo, knowing he couldn't see her but it still gave her a feeling of completeness. She turned gently to be face to face with Drake as he still slept. And so begins the start of their new life.
*I know it's short but it's the ennnnnnnd ^_^ If people would like me to continue then I might consider it, since I'm wrapping up maybe three of my Onikafaree stories :) If I do continue then I'll keep it here and it won't be based off of songs or song lyrics, just normal chapters :) Hope this was okaaay :/ Thanks for reading and to those who left comments last chapter!*
Thursday 3 January 2013
5. New York
*Thanks so much for all the comments! I hope this is okay for you all! the lyrics didn't really fit too well lol but I tried :/ I hate this chapter by the way but I needed to just post it so I could move on.*
The wolves they howled for my lost soul, I fell down a deep black hole.
He left me for another lady.
Why? That was the one worded question that wouldn't leave her mind as she walked the few steps up to her front door. Drake had gone, leaving her with only a letter to explain. Ironic really, since she'd just written one herself to her dead fiance and lost child and now her newfound love was leaving her one to do the exact opposite. She'd called him what felt like a hundred times, leaving a voicemail with each failed attempt in hopes that it would make him come back. Pleading. Searching through her purse for her keys she swiped at the tears with her spare hand but became still noticing that her door wasn't locked. Her teary frown deepened knowing that she'd locked it. Shit like this was spooky to anyone but ever since the confrontation with the hooded figure who shot Kai she was constantly on edge, even more so due to the fact that the killer was never caught. Slowly pushing the door open she stepped in cautiously. Walking warily around the corner she screamed when the front of her body came chest to chest with another person.
"Onika it's me!" Her mother grabbed the sides of her arms and smiled uneasily as she watched her collect herself.
"Oh my God Mom! Don't do that!" Her hand was still pressed firmly to her chest whilst she let her purse slip to hang off of her forearm.
"I'm sorry, I sent you a message to let you know I was coming over, where were you? I thought you finished work at 5?" She kept on drying the plate she'd carried with her as she turned to head back to the kitchen with her daughter following.
"Yeah my phone died and I had some things to sort out, sorry."
"It's fine Nika." She gave her a sweet smile and returned to the washing up as Nicki took a seat at the breakfast bar. There was a long silence with only the swishing of the sink water being rinsed over plates and pans to be heard. "You were with him weren't you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Drake. That's where you were after work isn't it?"
"Well, yeah I had to go see'm but he wasn't home." There was a hint of both upset and attitude in her answer as she choked up slightly.
"Watch your tone Onika."
"No Mom, y'know what? I won't watch my tone. Ever since day one you've had this weird issue with Drake, why?" She snarled slightly as she spoke to her Mother's back.
"I don't have an issue with him Onika, but with the reason I feel you're attracted to him. Now stop acting like such a child, you're not a teenager anymore so I'm not about to stand here and scold you like one."
"Oh really? And just what is this reason that you feel I'm attracted to him? Hm? And as for me acting like a child, you're the one stood in my kitchen washin' my dishes like I can't handle it myself. Stop treatin' me like a child and maybe I'll stop actin' like one." She snatched her purse from the counter and slid off of the stool "Oh, and as for Drake and I, you don't have anythin' to worry about. He left." She sniped before marching purposefully up the stairs. The tears were well and truly flowing as she realised what she'd just behaved like. She knew it was because of Drake leaving but taking it all out on her Mother like that was way out of line, especially since she was only trying to help. She lay for an hour by herself, crying. She was sick of the wasted tears constantly rolling down her cheeks but that was something that she'd have to grow accustomed to. She felt like they were never going to end, like she was going to feel this way forever.
He took my hand one day and told me, he was leaving, me disbelieving.
And I had to let him go.
Back downstairs Carol had been deeply contemplating her departure but Onika obviously needed her. No matter how much she screamed or yelled there was no way she was going to leave her as well. Far too many loved ones had been snatched away from her already and thinking about it now, her main support system had now left her too. She fixed up some food and began cooking it before heading up to Nicki's room, however on her way up an unsealed envelope placed on the coffee table caught her eye. It was a letter to Kai. Frowning harshly she carefully pulled it open and immediately recognised Nicki's neat swirly handwriting as she sat down. She was instantly pulled into the letter by the raw emotion and she found herself sat in tears as she scanned each heartfelt line. Every single word was directly from her daughter's hurting heart. Nicki had always been one to write her emotions out, it was easier for her that way and having found her old writing scraps from when she was young carol knew not to bring it up with her. Obviously that was her way of coping and clearly it worked for her. That's when she realised, Kai and Drake had been the only two people she spoke her feelings too, asides from herself in the odd situation. After reading the letter Carol understood that her daughter's feelings for Aubrey were more than genuine.
Now I am on my own, he told me he was leaving and I was pleading.
Slowly and quietly making her way up the stairs she knocked lightly on her door. There was no response, which encouraged her to walk in. It was deathly quiet as she peered around, the curtains drawn and Nicki's small body curled up in the middle of her bed. Letting her eyes travel across the walls of the room she could only pictures of Kai and her together along with a montage of ultrasound images and a polaroid snapshot of Kai Jr. when he was born. His little body looked so lost in the blue blanket held close to Nicki's chest. At first Carol was hurt that Nicki wanted nobody present at the birth but after a long while thinking about it she understood how precious that one moment she'd share with her son was and she deserved that one moment to herself. After staring at the pictures for a while, she wiped the tears away quickly hearing Nicki stir behind her.
"He was so tiny." Her voice was cracking slightly, giving away the fact that she'd been crying before dropping to sleep.
"He was." She touched the photo again before moving over to the bed. "I'm sorry about earlier."
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did, you're only tryna help." She sniffed and remained where she was, being calmed by her Mother stroking the hair from her face.
"Drake's really gone?"
"Yeah." It came out as a small whisper, one which told Carol she was fighting the tears once again as she avoided eye contact.
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"What do you mean?" Her expression only showed confusion as she gazed up at her mother.
"Well, the Onika I know so well wouldn't just give up like this." Their eyes were still connected. "I read your letter to Kai."
"Oh, that." She faced away, staring ahead at the wall in front of her. "He made up his mind, he's gone to live in New York." Her sad answer was followed by a deep sigh.
"So go after him then."
"Mom I can't just up and leave like that, I have work and-"
"Other than work, what's stopping you from going out there and getting him back?" There was silence.
"You really think I should go?"
"I do. This is your chance to be happy Onika, so take it before it's snatched away from you again. Because God knows I can't deal with seeing you like this any longer." She leant down and kissed her forehead before standing. "Now get up and wash that face, dinner's almost ready and your brothers and Father are going to be here soon." She reached the door-frame and turned to look at her daughter. "Don't ever feel like you're alone in this world Nicki, we'll always be here for you. No matter what."
And it was New York, New York and she took his heart away.
Pleas don't make me go, to New York.
Dropping his luggage in the doorway he sighed before shutting the door. Last time he'd been out here it was nothing but smiles and laughter but this time it was different because he knew he had no intention of returning. No intention to see her again and that was killing him on the inside. Having left his neighbour with a letter for Nicki he was sure she'd get the letter. The sting in his heart got stronger with each word he wrote but there was no way he could be around her and not show his feelings. The thought of never seeing or touching her again was torturous. He had no doubt in his mind that New York would be the place to move to. It was what he liked to call his second love, his first obviously being Nicki. Laying back on the shabby apartment bed he pulled his phone out and turned it on, not at all surprised he had a million and one messages from her. He couldn't read them though, and he especially couldn't listen to her voicemail messages. Hearing her plead would just kill him. Instead he tore his shoes off and slept where he was, hoping for memories of her to subside. Making room for new ones.
***
"The back yard area needs a lot of work but with the right kind of attention it could really be something." She folded her lips and rested against the sliding glass door as the young coupled stared out at the garden.
"And the upstairs area? Can we take a look up there too?"
"Sure, right this way." She smiled at them holding hands before leading them the way. It was just another day as a real estate agent. She gave up on the idea of flying to New York weeks ago. It had officially been almost five weeks since he left and he hadn't returned any of her calls or texts, she didn't expect him to but never stopped trying nonetheless.
"Oh wow, it's pretty spacey up here." The man's voice sounded excited as he let go of his partner's hand. "How many bedroom's you say it had?"
"Well if you take away the upper level lounge-room it could be a five-bedroomed house." She looked back at his face as he approached his wife again.
"See? It's perfect, enough rooms for family when they visit and a room for when this little one arrives." He smiled into the kiss with one hand resting on her almost invisible bump. It was moments like these that hit her the hardest. Everything she was cruelly robbed of was unfolding before her very eyes.
"I don't know." She twisted her frame to look at Nicki unsurely. "Whatta you think? If you were in our position right now would you take a place like this?"
"Honestly? Yes I would and I'm not just sayin' that 'cause it's my job." She laughed. "But really though, take the opportunity. You don't know what could be taken from you tomorrow." She bit on her lip to hide the hurt as they looked at one another for a while.
"Okay."
"Seriously? We're really about to do this?" His eyes only showed excitement as he looked back at Nicki's pained expression. "Looks like we're about to buy our first house!"
"Hopefully the last too. I'ont wanna go through all that again, it was agonising." If only she really knew what struggle was.
"Great, I'll get things sorted with the owner." She smiled warmly. "Congratulations too by the way. I wish you both all the best for the future." Although she felt like her heart was physically hurting she wasn't one to hate out of jealousy. She truly was happy for this couple.
After watching them drive off she returned back to the kitchen area of the house, locking all the doors and double checking them before she headed back to the office to drop the keys off so she could go home. It was Friday, which meant taking the long route home to make a stop along the way. Knocking the sound down on the radio she pulled into the iron gates, feeling the car grind on the gravelly stones as she came to a stop. As soon as she cut the engine the silence overcame her. She hadn't even noticed the tears falling from her eyes. Quickly brushing them away she grabbed the flowers from the passenger seat and got out of the car, starting the short walk through the cemetery to where her loved ones lay to rest, side by side. The flowers from the Friday before were withered and dead on their headstones. She quickly pulled them away as she knelt to set the new ones in their place. This was her usual ritual, same time, same place, same feeling. Although the frosty air and darkness were creeping up on her she didn't care.
She sat with them for almost an hour and a half, talking to them as if they could actually hear her. Starting to feel the coldness through her gloves she kissed her fingers before placing them on Kai's headstone and doing the same for Baby Kai. Every time she visited them she expected her sorrow and grief to become lighter but it never did. This feeling was swallowing her, taking her deeper into a darkness she desperately wanted to escape more than anything. How much longer she could carry on with this she had no idea. Slowly picking her self up she dusted off her knees, letting the dirt drop back down to the ground.
"Y'know, he knew you loved the environment but kissing stones is takin' things a lil' far don't you think Onika?" Whipping her head around in surprise she just stared at his face. Her heart racing partly down to the fact that he'd scared the shit out of her and partly because it was him.
...
*The next chapter will be the lasssst. I'll somehow tie it all up and end it :) I don't know if I'll do a follow up fic or not, if people want that to happen then I will continue ^_^ Thanks for reading :) I hope this was alright.*
The wolves they howled for my lost soul, I fell down a deep black hole.
He left me for another lady.
Why? That was the one worded question that wouldn't leave her mind as she walked the few steps up to her front door. Drake had gone, leaving her with only a letter to explain. Ironic really, since she'd just written one herself to her dead fiance and lost child and now her newfound love was leaving her one to do the exact opposite. She'd called him what felt like a hundred times, leaving a voicemail with each failed attempt in hopes that it would make him come back. Pleading. Searching through her purse for her keys she swiped at the tears with her spare hand but became still noticing that her door wasn't locked. Her teary frown deepened knowing that she'd locked it. Shit like this was spooky to anyone but ever since the confrontation with the hooded figure who shot Kai she was constantly on edge, even more so due to the fact that the killer was never caught. Slowly pushing the door open she stepped in cautiously. Walking warily around the corner she screamed when the front of her body came chest to chest with another person.
"Onika it's me!" Her mother grabbed the sides of her arms and smiled uneasily as she watched her collect herself.
"Oh my God Mom! Don't do that!" Her hand was still pressed firmly to her chest whilst she let her purse slip to hang off of her forearm.
"I'm sorry, I sent you a message to let you know I was coming over, where were you? I thought you finished work at 5?" She kept on drying the plate she'd carried with her as she turned to head back to the kitchen with her daughter following.
"Yeah my phone died and I had some things to sort out, sorry."
"It's fine Nika." She gave her a sweet smile and returned to the washing up as Nicki took a seat at the breakfast bar. There was a long silence with only the swishing of the sink water being rinsed over plates and pans to be heard. "You were with him weren't you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Drake. That's where you were after work isn't it?"
"Well, yeah I had to go see'm but he wasn't home." There was a hint of both upset and attitude in her answer as she choked up slightly.
"Watch your tone Onika."
"No Mom, y'know what? I won't watch my tone. Ever since day one you've had this weird issue with Drake, why?" She snarled slightly as she spoke to her Mother's back.
"I don't have an issue with him Onika, but with the reason I feel you're attracted to him. Now stop acting like such a child, you're not a teenager anymore so I'm not about to stand here and scold you like one."
"Oh really? And just what is this reason that you feel I'm attracted to him? Hm? And as for me acting like a child, you're the one stood in my kitchen washin' my dishes like I can't handle it myself. Stop treatin' me like a child and maybe I'll stop actin' like one." She snatched her purse from the counter and slid off of the stool "Oh, and as for Drake and I, you don't have anythin' to worry about. He left." She sniped before marching purposefully up the stairs. The tears were well and truly flowing as she realised what she'd just behaved like. She knew it was because of Drake leaving but taking it all out on her Mother like that was way out of line, especially since she was only trying to help. She lay for an hour by herself, crying. She was sick of the wasted tears constantly rolling down her cheeks but that was something that she'd have to grow accustomed to. She felt like they were never going to end, like she was going to feel this way forever.
He took my hand one day and told me, he was leaving, me disbelieving.
And I had to let him go.
Back downstairs Carol had been deeply contemplating her departure but Onika obviously needed her. No matter how much she screamed or yelled there was no way she was going to leave her as well. Far too many loved ones had been snatched away from her already and thinking about it now, her main support system had now left her too. She fixed up some food and began cooking it before heading up to Nicki's room, however on her way up an unsealed envelope placed on the coffee table caught her eye. It was a letter to Kai. Frowning harshly she carefully pulled it open and immediately recognised Nicki's neat swirly handwriting as she sat down. She was instantly pulled into the letter by the raw emotion and she found herself sat in tears as she scanned each heartfelt line. Every single word was directly from her daughter's hurting heart. Nicki had always been one to write her emotions out, it was easier for her that way and having found her old writing scraps from when she was young carol knew not to bring it up with her. Obviously that was her way of coping and clearly it worked for her. That's when she realised, Kai and Drake had been the only two people she spoke her feelings too, asides from herself in the odd situation. After reading the letter Carol understood that her daughter's feelings for Aubrey were more than genuine.
Now I am on my own, he told me he was leaving and I was pleading.
Slowly and quietly making her way up the stairs she knocked lightly on her door. There was no response, which encouraged her to walk in. It was deathly quiet as she peered around, the curtains drawn and Nicki's small body curled up in the middle of her bed. Letting her eyes travel across the walls of the room she could only pictures of Kai and her together along with a montage of ultrasound images and a polaroid snapshot of Kai Jr. when he was born. His little body looked so lost in the blue blanket held close to Nicki's chest. At first Carol was hurt that Nicki wanted nobody present at the birth but after a long while thinking about it she understood how precious that one moment she'd share with her son was and she deserved that one moment to herself. After staring at the pictures for a while, she wiped the tears away quickly hearing Nicki stir behind her.
"He was so tiny." Her voice was cracking slightly, giving away the fact that she'd been crying before dropping to sleep.
"He was." She touched the photo again before moving over to the bed. "I'm sorry about earlier."
"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did, you're only tryna help." She sniffed and remained where she was, being calmed by her Mother stroking the hair from her face.
"Drake's really gone?"
"Yeah." It came out as a small whisper, one which told Carol she was fighting the tears once again as she avoided eye contact.
"So what are you going to do about it?"
"What do you mean?" Her expression only showed confusion as she gazed up at her mother.
"Well, the Onika I know so well wouldn't just give up like this." Their eyes were still connected. "I read your letter to Kai."
"Oh, that." She faced away, staring ahead at the wall in front of her. "He made up his mind, he's gone to live in New York." Her sad answer was followed by a deep sigh.
"So go after him then."
"Mom I can't just up and leave like that, I have work and-"
"Other than work, what's stopping you from going out there and getting him back?" There was silence.
"You really think I should go?"
"I do. This is your chance to be happy Onika, so take it before it's snatched away from you again. Because God knows I can't deal with seeing you like this any longer." She leant down and kissed her forehead before standing. "Now get up and wash that face, dinner's almost ready and your brothers and Father are going to be here soon." She reached the door-frame and turned to look at her daughter. "Don't ever feel like you're alone in this world Nicki, we'll always be here for you. No matter what."
And it was New York, New York and she took his heart away.
Pleas don't make me go, to New York.
Dropping his luggage in the doorway he sighed before shutting the door. Last time he'd been out here it was nothing but smiles and laughter but this time it was different because he knew he had no intention of returning. No intention to see her again and that was killing him on the inside. Having left his neighbour with a letter for Nicki he was sure she'd get the letter. The sting in his heart got stronger with each word he wrote but there was no way he could be around her and not show his feelings. The thought of never seeing or touching her again was torturous. He had no doubt in his mind that New York would be the place to move to. It was what he liked to call his second love, his first obviously being Nicki. Laying back on the shabby apartment bed he pulled his phone out and turned it on, not at all surprised he had a million and one messages from her. He couldn't read them though, and he especially couldn't listen to her voicemail messages. Hearing her plead would just kill him. Instead he tore his shoes off and slept where he was, hoping for memories of her to subside. Making room for new ones.
***
"The back yard area needs a lot of work but with the right kind of attention it could really be something." She folded her lips and rested against the sliding glass door as the young coupled stared out at the garden.
"And the upstairs area? Can we take a look up there too?"
"Sure, right this way." She smiled at them holding hands before leading them the way. It was just another day as a real estate agent. She gave up on the idea of flying to New York weeks ago. It had officially been almost five weeks since he left and he hadn't returned any of her calls or texts, she didn't expect him to but never stopped trying nonetheless.
"Oh wow, it's pretty spacey up here." The man's voice sounded excited as he let go of his partner's hand. "How many bedroom's you say it had?"
"Well if you take away the upper level lounge-room it could be a five-bedroomed house." She looked back at his face as he approached his wife again.
"See? It's perfect, enough rooms for family when they visit and a room for when this little one arrives." He smiled into the kiss with one hand resting on her almost invisible bump. It was moments like these that hit her the hardest. Everything she was cruelly robbed of was unfolding before her very eyes.
"I don't know." She twisted her frame to look at Nicki unsurely. "Whatta you think? If you were in our position right now would you take a place like this?"
"Honestly? Yes I would and I'm not just sayin' that 'cause it's my job." She laughed. "But really though, take the opportunity. You don't know what could be taken from you tomorrow." She bit on her lip to hide the hurt as they looked at one another for a while.
"Okay."
"Seriously? We're really about to do this?" His eyes only showed excitement as he looked back at Nicki's pained expression. "Looks like we're about to buy our first house!"
"Hopefully the last too. I'ont wanna go through all that again, it was agonising." If only she really knew what struggle was.
"Great, I'll get things sorted with the owner." She smiled warmly. "Congratulations too by the way. I wish you both all the best for the future." Although she felt like her heart was physically hurting she wasn't one to hate out of jealousy. She truly was happy for this couple.
After watching them drive off she returned back to the kitchen area of the house, locking all the doors and double checking them before she headed back to the office to drop the keys off so she could go home. It was Friday, which meant taking the long route home to make a stop along the way. Knocking the sound down on the radio she pulled into the iron gates, feeling the car grind on the gravelly stones as she came to a stop. As soon as she cut the engine the silence overcame her. She hadn't even noticed the tears falling from her eyes. Quickly brushing them away she grabbed the flowers from the passenger seat and got out of the car, starting the short walk through the cemetery to where her loved ones lay to rest, side by side. The flowers from the Friday before were withered and dead on their headstones. She quickly pulled them away as she knelt to set the new ones in their place. This was her usual ritual, same time, same place, same feeling. Although the frosty air and darkness were creeping up on her she didn't care.
She sat with them for almost an hour and a half, talking to them as if they could actually hear her. Starting to feel the coldness through her gloves she kissed her fingers before placing them on Kai's headstone and doing the same for Baby Kai. Every time she visited them she expected her sorrow and grief to become lighter but it never did. This feeling was swallowing her, taking her deeper into a darkness she desperately wanted to escape more than anything. How much longer she could carry on with this she had no idea. Slowly picking her self up she dusted off her knees, letting the dirt drop back down to the ground.
"Y'know, he knew you loved the environment but kissing stones is takin' things a lil' far don't you think Onika?" Whipping her head around in surprise she just stared at his face. Her heart racing partly down to the fact that he'd scared the shit out of her and partly because it was him.
...
*The next chapter will be the lasssst. I'll somehow tie it all up and end it :) I don't know if I'll do a follow up fic or not, if people want that to happen then I will continue ^_^ Thanks for reading :) I hope this was alright.*
Wednesday 28 November 2012
4. Beauty Of The End
*Thanku so much for the comments guys! Hope this is ok! Also some of the lyrics are tied to Nicki and some are what Drake is feeling too, I'll try and make it clear in the chapters though! :)*
He just lay for a few minutes before gathering the will to actually get out of bed. Last night was all a complete blur to be honest, he couldn't believe she'd just left like that. He knew there was feelings there whether she was picturing Kai or not. There was definitely something there. He managed to have a quick breakfast before throwing on his uniform and heading to the gym.
Across town she was sat silently on her couch, the memories of last night stuck in her mind. He probably thought she was such a bitch for the way she was with him and then just leaving in the morning but truthfully she was scared. No matter how hard she tried to keep her thoughts on Kai they just kept slipping away. It was as if the more she was enjoying being with Drake the faster Kai's existence was disappearing. That was nonsense in reality but not in her mind it wasn't, her heart was telling her to talk to him but she wasn't even sure if he'd face her. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to see her but she knew she had to at least try. Tightening her robe around her waist she stood up and decided to get ready for work, she'd call in and see him on her way home tonight then she would have had some time to think.
***
He threw his phone down in defeat after calling her for the seventh time, she wasn't picking up on any of his calls and the day was practically over. Conversing briefly with a co-worker her tore off his apron and hung it up before heading home. He always walked, it just made more sense to him since the kebab place was so close. Keeping his head down he kicked at random pieces of litter before looking up at the steps they'd been on only the previous night. His attention was quickly pulled in the direction of the bottom corner of the second step. She was sat there waiting. There was silence for a while, the city buzz filling in the empty air.
"You forget how to answer a phone Onika?" His raised brows and sleepy eyes made her look down at her phone momentarily before waving it.
"Battery died at work."
"What're you doin' sat alone in the dark?"
"Waitin' for you." She was about to stand but he took a seat next to her on the stone step.
"So, are we gonna pretend last night didn't happen or actually talk about it?" His voice was husky in comparison to how soft hers was.
"I'on even know what to say Drake."
"You wanna say it was a mistake though don't you?"
"Is that what you think it was?"
"Honestly? No. Bein' with you last night really meant somethin' to me but I don't think you can say the same thing." She felt the tears coming as she cringed. If only he really knew what she was feeling but it was just too soon. She couldn't let go of Kai and it would be cruel of her to play with Drake's emotions. Now came the hard part. She didn't want to lie to him but she had to.
"I shouldn't have let things get as far as they did." She choked up a little seeing how sad his face looked before she whispered out the last of her sentence. "I'm sorry."
Maybe one day you will understand that I had to, I did it all for you.
"He's holdin' you back ain't he?"
"You mean Kai?" He only nodded in response as she sniffed and wiped away the tears.
"I can't let go of him Drake."
"You can't or won't?" His sudden change in tone caught her off guard in her teary state.
"Are you for fucking real right now?"
"No, can't you tell I'm jokin'? I'm crackin' up inside right now Nic." He knew he was acting like a spoilt kid who couldn't get his own way but it was his method of dealing with the rejection.
"Y'know what? I didn't come here for this, for you to act like I'm feelin' this way on purpose! You of all people should know what I'm goin' through Drake! I'm hurting! And what I don't need is you makin' me feel guilty for that!" She was completely breathless at that point with her angry outburst and the amount of crying she was doing combined.
"When are you gonna understand that he's not comin' back?! And that you waitin' around is completely pointless! He's gone Nicki." His voice softened considerably noticing just how much he was upsetting her. "Y'know? He told me a long while back that if he was to die, he wanted me to look out for you. That's a responsibility that I wanna stand by but I can't keep goin' like this." He licked his lips and stared forward before rubbing his hand over his head. "So, you're definitely sayin' that last night meant nothing to you?" He tried to mask the tremor in his voice but she still heard it.
"Im sorry." She whispered it once again whilst he laughed humourlessly and dropped his head. Trying to grab his hand she felt the sting of her actions when he pulled away.
"Aight, that's all I wanted to know. I'll just..." He let his words disappear before picking up where he left off once he was on his feet staring down at her. "I'll just speak to you tomorrow I guess. Goodnight Nicki." She didn't have to see his tears to know he was hurt. It was completely obvious in his body language and voice as he took a few steps back before turning and walking away from her. She knew he could hear her crying as he kept walking. The absolute urge to turn around and go sit with her was unbearable but he couldn't expose himself to that much pain. He was done with mourning his best friend and now feeling the pain of not being able to be with her.
Falling never hurts but landing does.
Waking early the next morning she just lay still, having absolutely no energy from crying almost all night. The room was quiet and all she could hear was cars outside her window. Stretching her arms she felt her right one hit the pillow next to her. Kai's pillow.
I miss you in the mornings been up all night, delicately whisper I'll be alright.
Honestly her thoughts had been running wild last night. Drake was right. Kai was never coming back, ever. Yet she was waiting around as if he was going to walk through the door at any moment. Was she being a fool for not letting go? Her face was clearly puzzled and even she saw that as she looked at herself in the mirror whilst brushing her teeth. If anyone could see her they'd probably say she belongs in a mental institution as she sat on her lounge room floor with photos, letters and notes scattered around her. You could hardly even see her hardwood floor for all the stuff spread out. She'd been sat for hours sifting through all the memories. As she looked at each and every photo it was as if the silence disappeared and the noise of what was happening in the photo filled the room. But of course that same silence returned as soon as she checked back into reality.
I miss you in the moments when it all stops, listen to the silence that hurts my heart.
Quickly removing the silence she opened another box of photos and continued to look through them all. Some of them made her smile heartwarmingly whilst others made her laugh hysterically. Especially the ones of Kai and Drake. They were always insanely goofy. For those few moments when she was laughing she kept on feeling as though he was still with her, going through their stuff. But he wasn't.
I miss you when I'm laughing you're very near, but then I open up my eyes and you're not here.
After hours of sitting alone doing her reminiscing she felt as though she had her thoughts and feelings collected and now came the time to put it on paper. Ever since she was young she'd always write out her feelings. Mainly because she was never one to spill her feelings to people so she found comfort in writing them out. This time was a little different though, this was a letter to her fiance, her best-friend and her life. Kai. Obviously not one she'd send but one that would signify to her, the beauty of the end.
So I'll write this letter that I'll never send, just so I'll remember the beauty of the end.
And I'll write this letter to my long lost friend so it stays with me forever, the beauty of the end.
She was writing for what seemed like an eternity but it was something she felt like she had to do. She was expelling all the hung up feelings surrounding Kai to make room for new feelings. Of course he would always would have an important place in her heart but she couldn't stop thinking about Drake or what he'd said. He was one hundred percent right. It was a case of not being able to let go of Kai or not wanting to. Realising that just because she enjoyed being with Drake that night and that she felt strongly for him it didn't mean that she was erasing Kai's memory or her love for him. Still sitting in thought after she'd finished her letter she was debating her next move, going purely off of what her heart was telling her she jumped up without hesitation and threw some clothes on before heading to her car manically.
And I'm just as scared as you about this freedom but I need to run with the wind.
And I know right now you think there's no reason but you'll see, please trust me.
Nothing in life is easy.
Not even taking the time to check if she'd parked well she jumped out of her car, being temporarily rained on until she reached his apartment block. Doing the same dash up three flights of stairs she speed walked all the way to his door and knocked nervously. This was part of what she was missing, just going off of a whim. Not planning what she was doing. Her life for the past few months had been so routinised it was pretty much drilled into her. One thing was for sure though, whenever she was with Drake that same feeling of spontaneity made its way back into her life. Something she'd been both craving and missing. Checking her watch she bit her lip and knocked again before looking out of the hallway window. He wasn't in. His motorcycle was gone. She pulled out her phone and called him but he wasn't answering.
"Come on Drake, please pick up." Suddenly hearing a door open behind her she saw Drake's neighbour looking in her direction.
"Are you looking for Drake dear?"
"Yeah? Did he say where he was goin'?"
"No he didn't, but he did tell me to give you this." The old woman, whom Nicki had met a few times, handed her an envelope with her name scribbled across the front.
"Thank you." The elderly lady went back inside and left her with confused look on her face as she ripped the letter out and began to read.
...
*Hope this was okay guys! It's 2:30am here, that's how dedicated I am lmao!! Anyway I'm FAR too tired to be writing another chapter now so I'll do SMF tomorrow :)) Thanks for the comments on the last chapter ^_^*
He just lay for a few minutes before gathering the will to actually get out of bed. Last night was all a complete blur to be honest, he couldn't believe she'd just left like that. He knew there was feelings there whether she was picturing Kai or not. There was definitely something there. He managed to have a quick breakfast before throwing on his uniform and heading to the gym.
Across town she was sat silently on her couch, the memories of last night stuck in her mind. He probably thought she was such a bitch for the way she was with him and then just leaving in the morning but truthfully she was scared. No matter how hard she tried to keep her thoughts on Kai they just kept slipping away. It was as if the more she was enjoying being with Drake the faster Kai's existence was disappearing. That was nonsense in reality but not in her mind it wasn't, her heart was telling her to talk to him but she wasn't even sure if he'd face her. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to see her but she knew she had to at least try. Tightening her robe around her waist she stood up and decided to get ready for work, she'd call in and see him on her way home tonight then she would have had some time to think.
***
He threw his phone down in defeat after calling her for the seventh time, she wasn't picking up on any of his calls and the day was practically over. Conversing briefly with a co-worker her tore off his apron and hung it up before heading home. He always walked, it just made more sense to him since the kebab place was so close. Keeping his head down he kicked at random pieces of litter before looking up at the steps they'd been on only the previous night. His attention was quickly pulled in the direction of the bottom corner of the second step. She was sat there waiting. There was silence for a while, the city buzz filling in the empty air.
"You forget how to answer a phone Onika?" His raised brows and sleepy eyes made her look down at her phone momentarily before waving it.
"Battery died at work."
"What're you doin' sat alone in the dark?"
"Waitin' for you." She was about to stand but he took a seat next to her on the stone step.
"So, are we gonna pretend last night didn't happen or actually talk about it?" His voice was husky in comparison to how soft hers was.
"I'on even know what to say Drake."
"You wanna say it was a mistake though don't you?"
"Is that what you think it was?"
"Honestly? No. Bein' with you last night really meant somethin' to me but I don't think you can say the same thing." She felt the tears coming as she cringed. If only he really knew what she was feeling but it was just too soon. She couldn't let go of Kai and it would be cruel of her to play with Drake's emotions. Now came the hard part. She didn't want to lie to him but she had to.
"I shouldn't have let things get as far as they did." She choked up a little seeing how sad his face looked before she whispered out the last of her sentence. "I'm sorry."
Maybe one day you will understand that I had to, I did it all for you.
"He's holdin' you back ain't he?"
"You mean Kai?" He only nodded in response as she sniffed and wiped away the tears.
"I can't let go of him Drake."
"You can't or won't?" His sudden change in tone caught her off guard in her teary state.
"Are you for fucking real right now?"
"No, can't you tell I'm jokin'? I'm crackin' up inside right now Nic." He knew he was acting like a spoilt kid who couldn't get his own way but it was his method of dealing with the rejection.
"Y'know what? I didn't come here for this, for you to act like I'm feelin' this way on purpose! You of all people should know what I'm goin' through Drake! I'm hurting! And what I don't need is you makin' me feel guilty for that!" She was completely breathless at that point with her angry outburst and the amount of crying she was doing combined.
"When are you gonna understand that he's not comin' back?! And that you waitin' around is completely pointless! He's gone Nicki." His voice softened considerably noticing just how much he was upsetting her. "Y'know? He told me a long while back that if he was to die, he wanted me to look out for you. That's a responsibility that I wanna stand by but I can't keep goin' like this." He licked his lips and stared forward before rubbing his hand over his head. "So, you're definitely sayin' that last night meant nothing to you?" He tried to mask the tremor in his voice but she still heard it.
"Im sorry." She whispered it once again whilst he laughed humourlessly and dropped his head. Trying to grab his hand she felt the sting of her actions when he pulled away.
"Aight, that's all I wanted to know. I'll just..." He let his words disappear before picking up where he left off once he was on his feet staring down at her. "I'll just speak to you tomorrow I guess. Goodnight Nicki." She didn't have to see his tears to know he was hurt. It was completely obvious in his body language and voice as he took a few steps back before turning and walking away from her. She knew he could hear her crying as he kept walking. The absolute urge to turn around and go sit with her was unbearable but he couldn't expose himself to that much pain. He was done with mourning his best friend and now feeling the pain of not being able to be with her.
Falling never hurts but landing does.
Waking early the next morning she just lay still, having absolutely no energy from crying almost all night. The room was quiet and all she could hear was cars outside her window. Stretching her arms she felt her right one hit the pillow next to her. Kai's pillow.
I miss you in the mornings been up all night, delicately whisper I'll be alright.
Honestly her thoughts had been running wild last night. Drake was right. Kai was never coming back, ever. Yet she was waiting around as if he was going to walk through the door at any moment. Was she being a fool for not letting go? Her face was clearly puzzled and even she saw that as she looked at herself in the mirror whilst brushing her teeth. If anyone could see her they'd probably say she belongs in a mental institution as she sat on her lounge room floor with photos, letters and notes scattered around her. You could hardly even see her hardwood floor for all the stuff spread out. She'd been sat for hours sifting through all the memories. As she looked at each and every photo it was as if the silence disappeared and the noise of what was happening in the photo filled the room. But of course that same silence returned as soon as she checked back into reality.
I miss you in the moments when it all stops, listen to the silence that hurts my heart.
Quickly removing the silence she opened another box of photos and continued to look through them all. Some of them made her smile heartwarmingly whilst others made her laugh hysterically. Especially the ones of Kai and Drake. They were always insanely goofy. For those few moments when she was laughing she kept on feeling as though he was still with her, going through their stuff. But he wasn't.
I miss you when I'm laughing you're very near, but then I open up my eyes and you're not here.
After hours of sitting alone doing her reminiscing she felt as though she had her thoughts and feelings collected and now came the time to put it on paper. Ever since she was young she'd always write out her feelings. Mainly because she was never one to spill her feelings to people so she found comfort in writing them out. This time was a little different though, this was a letter to her fiance, her best-friend and her life. Kai. Obviously not one she'd send but one that would signify to her, the beauty of the end.
So I'll write this letter that I'll never send, just so I'll remember the beauty of the end.
And I'll write this letter to my long lost friend so it stays with me forever, the beauty of the end.
She was writing for what seemed like an eternity but it was something she felt like she had to do. She was expelling all the hung up feelings surrounding Kai to make room for new feelings. Of course he would always would have an important place in her heart but she couldn't stop thinking about Drake or what he'd said. He was one hundred percent right. It was a case of not being able to let go of Kai or not wanting to. Realising that just because she enjoyed being with Drake that night and that she felt strongly for him it didn't mean that she was erasing Kai's memory or her love for him. Still sitting in thought after she'd finished her letter she was debating her next move, going purely off of what her heart was telling her she jumped up without hesitation and threw some clothes on before heading to her car manically.
And I'm just as scared as you about this freedom but I need to run with the wind.
And I know right now you think there's no reason but you'll see, please trust me.
Nothing in life is easy.
Not even taking the time to check if she'd parked well she jumped out of her car, being temporarily rained on until she reached his apartment block. Doing the same dash up three flights of stairs she speed walked all the way to his door and knocked nervously. This was part of what she was missing, just going off of a whim. Not planning what she was doing. Her life for the past few months had been so routinised it was pretty much drilled into her. One thing was for sure though, whenever she was with Drake that same feeling of spontaneity made its way back into her life. Something she'd been both craving and missing. Checking her watch she bit her lip and knocked again before looking out of the hallway window. He wasn't in. His motorcycle was gone. She pulled out her phone and called him but he wasn't answering.
"Come on Drake, please pick up." Suddenly hearing a door open behind her she saw Drake's neighbour looking in her direction.
"Are you looking for Drake dear?"
"Yeah? Did he say where he was goin'?"
"No he didn't, but he did tell me to give you this." The old woman, whom Nicki had met a few times, handed her an envelope with her name scribbled across the front.
"Thank you." The elderly lady went back inside and left her with confused look on her face as she ripped the letter out and began to read.
...
*Hope this was okay guys! It's 2:30am here, that's how dedicated I am lmao!! Anyway I'm FAR too tired to be writing another chapter now so I'll do SMF tomorrow :)) Thanks for the comments on the last chapter ^_^*
Sunday 25 November 2012
3. Agony
*Okay so here is chapter three ^_^ Thanku to the people who commented :)) Hope this is ok and I tried to make it a little longer too :)*
The hours passed turned into days, then weeks. Before she knew it almost eight months had gone by since her traumatic experience. One she could only describe as a living hell. She still wasn't back to the same old Nicki and something deep inside her was saying that she would never be the same again. Throughout the weeks Drake had been her support system, he was always there when she felt like crying and she was always there for him too. Mama Carol could see her in deep thought before she interrupted her.
"What're you thinkin' Onika?" Her voice was soft and inquisitive as she switched the hold she had on her coffee mug, sitting with her sockless feet resting on the footstool.
"Nothin', I'm just tired." She smiled at her Mother and checked the time on her phone. "I'mma go out for a bit. I'll be home later, don't wait up for me." She grabbed her purse and said goodbye to her parents before leaving the house. It was almost 9pm and as much as Carol wanted to stop her from going out she knew her daughter was grown.
"Carol, she'll be fine. We should be thankful that she's even leavin' the house at all." Robert raised his brows knowing he was right.
"I know, it's just....She's going to see him."
"And? What's wrong with that? He's her friend." His hands were resting on the arms of his chair as he looked over her troubled face.
"I'm just worried she's doing it for the wrong reasons." Sipping some more coffee she sighed into the mug.
"And what might those reasons be?"
"Well, we all know how close he and Kai were. I just think she's seeing him more and more because it's like she's with him when she's with Drake."
"That's a little far-fetched don't you think?" He frowned as he processed the idea, in a way his wife could be right.
***
The cold air was stinging her face as it hit her cheeks, but for some weird reason she liked it. The sensation helped make her feel alive, something she was struggling to feel since she had to bury the two most important people in her life. Except Drake of course. There was something about his being that made her feel a part of the world again. She smiled thinking about the time she and Kai had surprised him for his birthday. He actually looked like a child as Kai removed his hands from over his eyes and there sat before him was a motorcycle. A pretty extravagant present for a friend most would agree but Drake was like a brother to him and he was raking in more than enough money to splash out on such a present. The last present he ever got him. As she got further down the sidewalk she took in the air, smelling the familiar aroma of kebabs. The street was busy with night traffic which she escaped when she entered the food place. It was empty inside so she could already hear him singing in the back and decided to listen for a while before pressing the bell not once but multiple times.
"Aight I'm coming! Jesus!" He appeared stony faced before he lay eyes on a grinning Nicki and laughed sheepishly. "Shoulda known it was you." He untied his apron, letting it fall loose as it hung from his neck. "What you doin' here? I thought you were comin' over to mine later?"
"Yeah I was but I got bored at home. And who said I came to see you? I mighta wanted a kebab." She set her purse on the counter and took a seat on one of the stools.
"Oh? So you wanna experience my amazin' food?" Widening his eyes he stood next to the meat skewers and used his arms to present it.
"Oh my God, I can't! You're so goofy, just gimme the favourite."
"Comin' right up. And this one's on the house, just for you." He winked and ran out the back to grab some stuff. When he returned he prepared her food and handed it to her.
"What time do you get outta here?" She covered her mouth politely as she ate whilst he glanced at the clock.
"In exactly two minutes. But I gotta close up shop so you just sit and eat whilst I do all the usual shit."
After closing up the shop when she'd finished eating they were walking slowly down the sidewalk, hand in hand. Understandably a lot of people had mistaken them for a couple but truthfully they were just incredibly close, even more so since they became more reliant on one another. Swinging their connected hands she looked up seeing the famous steps, the ones leading up to the Philadelphia museum. The 'Rocky' steps as most people called them.
"Let's go up there." She pointed with her free hand and peered up at his face, he looked reluctant.
"That's a lotta steps Nic. You sure?"
"There's seventy-two actually, Kai counted 'em once. He's so silly, he miscounted and actually went all the way back down just to start again." She was laughing in between words as he smiled thinking about it. "Come on, I'll piggy-back you if you get tired?"
"Don't lie Onika." His smirk made her punch him lightly before dragging him towards the steps.
"Let's go boy, start climbin'." She wished she'd never opened her mouth when he set off full pelt up the steps with her still in his grasp.
"No wait! How you abouta run all the way up?! My legs are shorter than yours asshole!" Slowing down he looked back at her pouting face and crouched a little.
"Hop on."
"What?"
"Get on, I'll carry you up."
"Nigga, if you drop me..." She sucked air through her teeth before jumping carefully on to his back. Securing her legs he set off slowly before gradually getting quicker and quicker. She was giggling at first but when he started doing the 'Rocky' theme tune she almost died from not breathing. He was laughing uncontrollably too by the time they reached the top. After setting her down he lay dramatically on his back.
"Oh shit, that was a lung burner." He rubbed at his heaving chest as she crawled over to him, laying on her back too.
"It looks so different at night." She was referring to Philadelphia, the view they had of the city right now was completely different in the evening compared to when she was last up there with Kai.
"I know, it's quieter too."
"Apart from your gaspin' ass." She nudged into him gently and giggled.
"Hey, I did pretty damn well! Don't knock me." Laughing again she sat her self up and butt shuffled to the top step and sat on it sweetly as she stared over the illuminated city. He just watched her for a moment before deciding to join her.
"Do you think he can see us?" There was no need for her to name who she was talking about and the silence grew louder as he thought.
"You really wanna know what I think?" His voice was soft and his head tilted back as he looked up.
"Mhm." The fact that her lips were folded exaggerated her answer before she gently took his hand in hers.
"I think that whether he can see us or not doesn't even matter. You know why?"
"Why?"
"'Cause he'll forever be in here." His hand rested gently over where his heart was. Her eyes were glued to that very hand before her focus moved up to his face. She'd never noticed his looks before but right in that very moment she took advantage of every part of it under the glow of the moon and the city lights.
Everyone says you're bad for my head but I'm in denial, one look at your face I'm back in that place, I'm feelin' the fire.
They stayed still for a few seconds as she carried on studying his features, in a way they were amazingly similar to Kai's, from his light skin to the look of lust in his eyes whenever he looked at her. He jumped at the feeling of goosebumps travelling across his skin when her hand caressed the side of his face. Before she had chance to decide if she wanted to move in on him he beat her to it. The feeling he gave her was beyond description. The intensity, the urgency and the passion all in that one gesture had her wanting more. Their lips remained locked for a few minutes whilst they increased the amount of feeling being put into their actions.
Save me, save me with your kisses.
Entering his apartment with his back first they never once pulled apart as he lead them blindly to the bedroom. He could feel her hands running up and down his sides as he mirrored the movement but on her back, their tongues set free to explore the others mouth. Letting her fall back on to the bed he hovered over her panting face after pulling away from the kiss, her eyes were half open with desire.
You'll be addicted, I'll be inflicted.
She knew this was wrong. Not literally, but in her mind she was betraying Kai and his memory, it was killing her but the fight was gone. She wanted him to stop so badly but the rush of urgency and passion she was experiencing was making her want him to carry on. Feeling her panties sliding down her thighs she threw her head back in anticipation, whether it was for this to be over or for the pleasure he was about give her? She really didn't know. His kisses marked her glistening skin as his lips continued to travel all over her body, her bra had already come off but she couldn't remember when or how. She gave up trying to remember when his mouth closed around her right nipple, he was feeding off of her moans as she panted them out breathlessly.
"Mmm Kai." He stopped momentarily when he heard what she called him but feeling her grip him through his boxers he tore the fabric off and kept up his movements. She wanted it just as badly as he did and that became fact after he slowly entered her. He could feel her fingernails digging into the skin of his back and grunted into her neck whilst she moaned out continuously. He knew she was calling Kai's name but he couldn't just stop, not for that reason alone but he felt his suppressed feelings for her being re-ignited with each stroke.
You'll be my sorrow, we both know it shows.
Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place, caught up in the moment she wanted him but she was envisioning Kai. Never once opening her eyes she let Drake pleasure her and love her like she loved Kai but she couldn't help from wanting to pull away. With endless thoughts, memories and images of her deceased fiance running through her mind she exhaled steadily and kept her mind focused on him. Imagining him.
Use me, take me home and use me. Press your hands into my body.
He knew what was happening, she was using him and he wanted to stop but he couldn't. She was using his body as a substitute, blocking out his face she was concentrating one hundred percent on Kai. Feeling her walls tightening around his shaft he too felt himself nearing his climax. Her soft moans had turned into louder ones as his strokes got faster with each thrust. Their bodies covered in sweat and her eyes still fused shut, her head to the side. She couldn't even look at him.
Running, we will not escape this, shake this.
This is agony but it's still a thrill to me, this could end in tragedy.
He pulled out and groaned as he came on the sheets before olling over to lay next to her and regaining his breath. He cooled down slowly as he listened to her recovering gasps. She was still facing away from him and had pulled the covers over herself to hide her heaving and vulnerable body. They never spoke another word before falling to sleep in the exact positions they lay. Needless to say she was gone when he awoke the next morning.
*Okay I'm not sure about how this was 'cause I've never incorporated lyrics into a fic before so I hope this was alright :/// PLEASE TELL ME IF IT WASN'T BECAUSE THEN I'LL KNOW NOT TO DO IT FOR THE OTHER CHAPTERS! That had to be in capitals so you all could see it ^_^ I don't wanna keep doing it if you readers don't like it :) Also the lyrics aren't in order I just extracted them from the song and used them where I thought they fit nicely :) Thanku for previous comments ^_^ Oh and once again, the song was 'Agony' by Paloma Faith ^-^*
The hours passed turned into days, then weeks. Before she knew it almost eight months had gone by since her traumatic experience. One she could only describe as a living hell. She still wasn't back to the same old Nicki and something deep inside her was saying that she would never be the same again. Throughout the weeks Drake had been her support system, he was always there when she felt like crying and she was always there for him too. Mama Carol could see her in deep thought before she interrupted her.
"What're you thinkin' Onika?" Her voice was soft and inquisitive as she switched the hold she had on her coffee mug, sitting with her sockless feet resting on the footstool.
"Nothin', I'm just tired." She smiled at her Mother and checked the time on her phone. "I'mma go out for a bit. I'll be home later, don't wait up for me." She grabbed her purse and said goodbye to her parents before leaving the house. It was almost 9pm and as much as Carol wanted to stop her from going out she knew her daughter was grown.
"Carol, she'll be fine. We should be thankful that she's even leavin' the house at all." Robert raised his brows knowing he was right.
"I know, it's just....She's going to see him."
"And? What's wrong with that? He's her friend." His hands were resting on the arms of his chair as he looked over her troubled face.
"I'm just worried she's doing it for the wrong reasons." Sipping some more coffee she sighed into the mug.
"And what might those reasons be?"
"Well, we all know how close he and Kai were. I just think she's seeing him more and more because it's like she's with him when she's with Drake."
"That's a little far-fetched don't you think?" He frowned as he processed the idea, in a way his wife could be right.
***
The cold air was stinging her face as it hit her cheeks, but for some weird reason she liked it. The sensation helped make her feel alive, something she was struggling to feel since she had to bury the two most important people in her life. Except Drake of course. There was something about his being that made her feel a part of the world again. She smiled thinking about the time she and Kai had surprised him for his birthday. He actually looked like a child as Kai removed his hands from over his eyes and there sat before him was a motorcycle. A pretty extravagant present for a friend most would agree but Drake was like a brother to him and he was raking in more than enough money to splash out on such a present. The last present he ever got him. As she got further down the sidewalk she took in the air, smelling the familiar aroma of kebabs. The street was busy with night traffic which she escaped when she entered the food place. It was empty inside so she could already hear him singing in the back and decided to listen for a while before pressing the bell not once but multiple times.
"Aight I'm coming! Jesus!" He appeared stony faced before he lay eyes on a grinning Nicki and laughed sheepishly. "Shoulda known it was you." He untied his apron, letting it fall loose as it hung from his neck. "What you doin' here? I thought you were comin' over to mine later?"
"Yeah I was but I got bored at home. And who said I came to see you? I mighta wanted a kebab." She set her purse on the counter and took a seat on one of the stools.
"Oh? So you wanna experience my amazin' food?" Widening his eyes he stood next to the meat skewers and used his arms to present it.
"Oh my God, I can't! You're so goofy, just gimme the favourite."
"Comin' right up. And this one's on the house, just for you." He winked and ran out the back to grab some stuff. When he returned he prepared her food and handed it to her.
"What time do you get outta here?" She covered her mouth politely as she ate whilst he glanced at the clock.
"In exactly two minutes. But I gotta close up shop so you just sit and eat whilst I do all the usual shit."
After closing up the shop when she'd finished eating they were walking slowly down the sidewalk, hand in hand. Understandably a lot of people had mistaken them for a couple but truthfully they were just incredibly close, even more so since they became more reliant on one another. Swinging their connected hands she looked up seeing the famous steps, the ones leading up to the Philadelphia museum. The 'Rocky' steps as most people called them.
"Let's go up there." She pointed with her free hand and peered up at his face, he looked reluctant.
"That's a lotta steps Nic. You sure?"
"There's seventy-two actually, Kai counted 'em once. He's so silly, he miscounted and actually went all the way back down just to start again." She was laughing in between words as he smiled thinking about it. "Come on, I'll piggy-back you if you get tired?"
"Don't lie Onika." His smirk made her punch him lightly before dragging him towards the steps.
"Let's go boy, start climbin'." She wished she'd never opened her mouth when he set off full pelt up the steps with her still in his grasp.
"No wait! How you abouta run all the way up?! My legs are shorter than yours asshole!" Slowing down he looked back at her pouting face and crouched a little.
"Hop on."
"What?"
"Get on, I'll carry you up."
"Nigga, if you drop me..." She sucked air through her teeth before jumping carefully on to his back. Securing her legs he set off slowly before gradually getting quicker and quicker. She was giggling at first but when he started doing the 'Rocky' theme tune she almost died from not breathing. He was laughing uncontrollably too by the time they reached the top. After setting her down he lay dramatically on his back.
"Oh shit, that was a lung burner." He rubbed at his heaving chest as she crawled over to him, laying on her back too.
"It looks so different at night." She was referring to Philadelphia, the view they had of the city right now was completely different in the evening compared to when she was last up there with Kai.
"I know, it's quieter too."
"Apart from your gaspin' ass." She nudged into him gently and giggled.
"Hey, I did pretty damn well! Don't knock me." Laughing again she sat her self up and butt shuffled to the top step and sat on it sweetly as she stared over the illuminated city. He just watched her for a moment before deciding to join her.
"Do you think he can see us?" There was no need for her to name who she was talking about and the silence grew louder as he thought.
"You really wanna know what I think?" His voice was soft and his head tilted back as he looked up.
"Mhm." The fact that her lips were folded exaggerated her answer before she gently took his hand in hers.
"I think that whether he can see us or not doesn't even matter. You know why?"
"Why?"
"'Cause he'll forever be in here." His hand rested gently over where his heart was. Her eyes were glued to that very hand before her focus moved up to his face. She'd never noticed his looks before but right in that very moment she took advantage of every part of it under the glow of the moon and the city lights.
Everyone says you're bad for my head but I'm in denial, one look at your face I'm back in that place, I'm feelin' the fire.
They stayed still for a few seconds as she carried on studying his features, in a way they were amazingly similar to Kai's, from his light skin to the look of lust in his eyes whenever he looked at her. He jumped at the feeling of goosebumps travelling across his skin when her hand caressed the side of his face. Before she had chance to decide if she wanted to move in on him he beat her to it. The feeling he gave her was beyond description. The intensity, the urgency and the passion all in that one gesture had her wanting more. Their lips remained locked for a few minutes whilst they increased the amount of feeling being put into their actions.
Save me, save me with your kisses.
Entering his apartment with his back first they never once pulled apart as he lead them blindly to the bedroom. He could feel her hands running up and down his sides as he mirrored the movement but on her back, their tongues set free to explore the others mouth. Letting her fall back on to the bed he hovered over her panting face after pulling away from the kiss, her eyes were half open with desire.
You'll be addicted, I'll be inflicted.
She knew this was wrong. Not literally, but in her mind she was betraying Kai and his memory, it was killing her but the fight was gone. She wanted him to stop so badly but the rush of urgency and passion she was experiencing was making her want him to carry on. Feeling her panties sliding down her thighs she threw her head back in anticipation, whether it was for this to be over or for the pleasure he was about give her? She really didn't know. His kisses marked her glistening skin as his lips continued to travel all over her body, her bra had already come off but she couldn't remember when or how. She gave up trying to remember when his mouth closed around her right nipple, he was feeding off of her moans as she panted them out breathlessly.
"Mmm Kai." He stopped momentarily when he heard what she called him but feeling her grip him through his boxers he tore the fabric off and kept up his movements. She wanted it just as badly as he did and that became fact after he slowly entered her. He could feel her fingernails digging into the skin of his back and grunted into her neck whilst she moaned out continuously. He knew she was calling Kai's name but he couldn't just stop, not for that reason alone but he felt his suppressed feelings for her being re-ignited with each stroke.
You'll be my sorrow, we both know it shows.
Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place, caught up in the moment she wanted him but she was envisioning Kai. Never once opening her eyes she let Drake pleasure her and love her like she loved Kai but she couldn't help from wanting to pull away. With endless thoughts, memories and images of her deceased fiance running through her mind she exhaled steadily and kept her mind focused on him. Imagining him.
Use me, take me home and use me. Press your hands into my body.
He knew what was happening, she was using him and he wanted to stop but he couldn't. She was using his body as a substitute, blocking out his face she was concentrating one hundred percent on Kai. Feeling her walls tightening around his shaft he too felt himself nearing his climax. Her soft moans had turned into louder ones as his strokes got faster with each thrust. Their bodies covered in sweat and her eyes still fused shut, her head to the side. She couldn't even look at him.
Running, we will not escape this, shake this.
This is agony but it's still a thrill to me, this could end in tragedy.
He pulled out and groaned as he came on the sheets before olling over to lay next to her and regaining his breath. He cooled down slowly as he listened to her recovering gasps. She was still facing away from him and had pulled the covers over herself to hide her heaving and vulnerable body. They never spoke another word before falling to sleep in the exact positions they lay. Needless to say she was gone when he awoke the next morning.
*Okay I'm not sure about how this was 'cause I've never incorporated lyrics into a fic before so I hope this was alright :/// PLEASE TELL ME IF IT WASN'T BECAUSE THEN I'LL KNOW NOT TO DO IT FOR THE OTHER CHAPTERS! That had to be in capitals so you all could see it ^_^ I don't wanna keep doing it if you readers don't like it :) Also the lyrics aren't in order I just extracted them from the song and used them where I thought they fit nicely :) Thanku for previous comments ^_^ Oh and once again, the song was 'Agony' by Paloma Faith ^-^*
Thursday 22 November 2012
2. My Legs Are Weak
*So here is chapter 2, hope it's ok :)) Oh and for Onikafaree readers I'm gonna post on Forever Young later ^_^ Oh and some of you might notice that the blog title and all of the chapters (except chapter one) are named after Paloma Faith songs or lyrics by Paloma, so I'm just crediting that ^_^ I'm trying to match the song with the chapter but for some of them it doesn't really work XD By the way 'My Legs Are Weak' isn't one of my favourites :/ it just kind of suited the chapter :)*
Shutting her bedroom door Mama Carol sighed miserably. It had been two days since Nicki had given birth to her stillborn baby boy and she hadn't eaten, spoken or moved since she climbed into bed. They'd managed to talk her into living with them for a few days whilst she got herself back together.
"How is she?" Jelani's husked voice asked sympathetically.
"The same as she was when she got here." The worry and sadness in her tone was obvious to her son as he enveloped her in a comforting hug.
"She'll get through this. I know it."
"I hope you're right Jelani." She shook her head in attempt to shake the tears away as she closed Nicki's door again. "Anyway, enough of the tears! We have to be strong for her." She smiled tiredly and rubbed her son's muscular bicep. "I'm gonna go make a start on dinner, hopefully we can get her to eat a little something." She moved away and started down the stairs again as he watched her disappear. Looking back at Nicki's slightly ajar door he pushed it open gently with his index finger and entered cautiously. She was alseep and quite honestly he didn't blame her. Everything had crumbled around her in the last few months, he had no doubt in his mind that it was Kai's sudden, tragic death that had caused her baby to die too. The guilt, sorrow and complete heart ache she was experiencing was murderous. Literally.
Flashback
"Kai, where are we goin'?"
"I told you it's a surprise, now come on. Keep up." He smiled and tugged her hand as they walked down the sidewalk. They'd just been for Nicki's six month scan and checkup. Kai wanted to do something to celebrate the news that they'd soon be proud parents to a baby boy.
"You know I don't like surprises, just tell me? Please? I'll act surprised I promise."
"No Nicki." He smiled at her impatience and kept tight hold of her hand as they continued walking. They were close to the place he wanted to take her. It was a new restaurant at the docks, it was actually a boat that had been renovated to be an eatery and it really was a boat. It was just stationed at the docking area day in day out.
"Wait, we're not gonna be walkin' on the sand are we? Look at my shoes, and it's freezin' and dark-"
"Nicki we're not steppin' foot on any sand, just wait and see." She felt a warm smile spreading over her face, she loved him with all her heart. They knew one another inside and out. Tightening her grip on his hand she moved closer into his side but both stopped abruptly when a hooded figure obstructed their pathway. "Excuse me sir." Kai nodded his head warily and attempted to get around the man, making sure to keep Nicki close.
"Stop." They both did as he said and Nicki looked up at Kai's face to see what his reaction was, he looked nervous. "Gimme everythin' you got on you." The stranger's stance and body language was jittery, which came across as more frightening to Nicki as he seemed unpredictable.
"Do as he says Nic." He let go of her momentarily as he removed his watch, handing it to this undetectable person. "Here just hand him your purse-" Before he could finish his sentence as he grabbed Nicki's purse the man panicked and snatched a gun from the back of his pants. Pointing it in Nicki's direction Kai didn't think twice before instinctively stepping between the two of them. Everything was a blur to her after she heard the shot. Only seeing the random stranger bolt in the opposite direction after grabbing her purse as Kai's whole body crumpled into her arms. Her voice was caught in her throat as she fell to her knees with the weight of his body relaxing into her. The sound of her heart-wrenching cries brought people to the street after hearing a gunshot too. She'd ripped her scarf and jacket off to try and push it to his heaving chest. The way he clutched at her hand as he stared at her face was enough to let her know that he was slipping away. She saw it. She actually saw the life leave his eyes as a man behind her tried to pull her away from his body. She couldn't leave him, his body was still warm in contrast to the cool concrete of the side walk, now layered with his blood. Onlookers weren't lying when they told police that he screams were blood-curdling as they echoed through the empty street. Just like that, she felt like her heart had been ripped from her very body.
End of Flashback
Jelani threw his head back out of his hands when he heard her wake with a gasp. He moved over to her quickly, sitting on the edge of her bed.
"Shh, you're okay." He pulled her as close as possible after hearing her sobs. She didn't stop for the whole hour he held her, just crying silently into his chest. This was killing him. He'd never seen her like this before and never wanted to again but he knew it was going to be a long road to recovery. It had become a cycle that she'd adopted, either she would stay awake to avoid slipping back into thoughts and dreams only to wake and be like she was now or she would just sleep for hours and hours on end so she wouldn't have to face reality. Whichever option she chose she always had to face facts anyway, that was the hard part. There was no escape.
Woke up this morning and hoped for a dream, but reality sat next to me and forced me to believe.
Once she drifted off again Jelani made his way down to the kitchen after hearing Mama Carol shout that food was ready. His parents and Cai felt their moods dampen seeing his pale tired face. They guessed he was upstairs with her.
"She's not comin' to eat with us?" Seven-year-old Cai asked sadly. He knew she was upset and had been in hospital but he missed his sister.
"Not today kiddo." Jelani scrubbed his rough, calloused hands over his little brother's short curls. "She's tired." He switched eye contact between Robert and Carol, it was affecting the whole family. But what they were feeling was probably only a fraction of the pain that Nicki was enduring right now. There was no way he could imagine having to bury his girlfriend and daughter Tia within the same month. It'd kill him. Silence cascaded over the dinner table as they all said grace and cut into their meals. Carol was trying to keep things cheery for Cai but everyone could hear the crack in her voice. Just as she stood to clear away their plates and hand out dessert she stopped briskly seeing Nicki's tiny frame stood in the doorway. Following the direction of her focus they all rotated their heads in the same manner. Quickly pulling out a chair for her, Jelani ran his hands over his jeaned legs anxiously. The last time she'd made it this far she saw everyone's expectant faces and broke down. Not this time though, she slowly took a seat in between her two brothers without saying a word.
"Do you want a plate dishing up?" She only nodded small in response. Hearing Cai's chair scraping on the tiles she turned to look at him but found herself being embraced by his tiny arms.
"I'm glad you're okay Nicki." He could feel her shaking and pulled back to study her tear-stained face. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Shaking her head no she pulled him back to hugging her. It was only a small step but she was getting there.
Across town he lay motionlessly on his made bed, surrounded by the memories and pictures. He couldn't do this on his own. He'd managed to hold himself together really well, until he cracked open a few bottles and delved into all the photos. Kai and Drake had been more or less inseparable since third grade, they were vastly opposite in more ways than one but seemed to just click. Nobody really understood it. Sitting up slowly he knocked the edge of the box and saw it slide off of the bed. He sighed and sat his glass down before kneeling to scoop all the papers up, a glimpse of colour caught his eye. Reaching out for the photo half covered by all the others he lifted up to his face and smiled. It was a picture of Kai and Nicki with Drake fooling around behind them. The smile faded as he thought about what she must be going through right now. He'd heard that their baby was stillborn, call him selfish but he was devastated purely for the fact that the baby would be the closest thing left to Kai and now he'd been cruelly snatched away too. His friend's drunken words echoed through his foggy thoughts.
If I die tomorrow, I'mma trust you to watch out for Nic. For me, promise?
He was swaying and slurring at the time but he was more than serious when he said it. Looking back at the picture he wondered if anyone would ever see her pretty little dimpled smile again. How anyone could recover from what she'd been through he had no idea. One thing was certain though, he'd watch over her like his best friend asked. That was a promise he'd made and he intended to keep it. Sitting the picture on his night stand he kicked his shoes off and fell to sleep surrounded by the boxes of photos.
Truthfully Kai had always been the smart one in their little duo. Drake had that element of "Mr Popular" about him, fending off any name-calling or other childish behaviour. Inevitably Kai went on to become a more than successful lawyer, leaving Drake in the dust. He did okay though, asides from moving between jobs constantly he managed to keep a steady income working at a Kebab shop in the evening and the gym during the day. He liked it which was what counted in his eyes. Things changed a little when Kai and Nicki started dating, he had less time for his struggling friend and was constantly with this girl. Initially he was jealous like any friend would be but after meeting Nicki they discovered that the three of them together were pretty dynamic. They all got along well and whenever they were together they'd always have fun. Life without Kai was going to be a lot less brighter, that was for sure.
***
"Look, she's really not up for any visitors right now. I'll tell her that you called by-" Robert was interrupted by his daughter's soft voice as she got closer behind him.
"Who is it?" Her Father stepped aside to reveal a very run-down looking Drake stood at their front door. He felt completely ridiculous when he noticed himself actually having to fight the tears. He hadn't seen Nicki since before the funeral, she was too bereaved to speak to anyone that day so he kept his distance. Robert felt his presence was fast becoming an intrusion and left when Nicki slowly stepped out of the doorway, wrapping her arms around a clearly inconsolable Drake. He returned the embrace and they just stayed the same for a minute or two before she pulled away.
"If he could see us right now!" Drake spoke and lightened the mood with a chuckle, reminding her that he would probably be laughing at them actually hugging instead of hitting for once. She and drake had a playful relationship, which never failed to amuse Kai at the best of times.
"I know, he's prolly laughin' up there." She smiled a little as she talked and wiped at her own tears whilst Drake blinked his away.
Heading back inside she introduced him to her family since he'd never actually had the opportunity to meet them before. For the first time in a long time she felt like she had someone to talk to, obviously she could talk to her family but with Drake it was different. He'd not only lost a close person too but the same person, Kai meant the world to both of them. There was that sense that wherever Nicki was it felt like Kai was there too and the same with Drake. In each others company they felt like he was there with them, they knew that wasn't the case but it made them forget if only for a few minutes at a time.
...
*Hope this was alriiight :/ I'll be posting again on any one of my blogs on sunday ^_^ Thanku for all the comments on the first chapter!*
Shutting her bedroom door Mama Carol sighed miserably. It had been two days since Nicki had given birth to her stillborn baby boy and she hadn't eaten, spoken or moved since she climbed into bed. They'd managed to talk her into living with them for a few days whilst she got herself back together.
"How is she?" Jelani's husked voice asked sympathetically.
"The same as she was when she got here." The worry and sadness in her tone was obvious to her son as he enveloped her in a comforting hug.
"She'll get through this. I know it."
"I hope you're right Jelani." She shook her head in attempt to shake the tears away as she closed Nicki's door again. "Anyway, enough of the tears! We have to be strong for her." She smiled tiredly and rubbed her son's muscular bicep. "I'm gonna go make a start on dinner, hopefully we can get her to eat a little something." She moved away and started down the stairs again as he watched her disappear. Looking back at Nicki's slightly ajar door he pushed it open gently with his index finger and entered cautiously. She was alseep and quite honestly he didn't blame her. Everything had crumbled around her in the last few months, he had no doubt in his mind that it was Kai's sudden, tragic death that had caused her baby to die too. The guilt, sorrow and complete heart ache she was experiencing was murderous. Literally.
Flashback
"Kai, where are we goin'?"
"I told you it's a surprise, now come on. Keep up." He smiled and tugged her hand as they walked down the sidewalk. They'd just been for Nicki's six month scan and checkup. Kai wanted to do something to celebrate the news that they'd soon be proud parents to a baby boy.
"You know I don't like surprises, just tell me? Please? I'll act surprised I promise."
"No Nicki." He smiled at her impatience and kept tight hold of her hand as they continued walking. They were close to the place he wanted to take her. It was a new restaurant at the docks, it was actually a boat that had been renovated to be an eatery and it really was a boat. It was just stationed at the docking area day in day out.
"Wait, we're not gonna be walkin' on the sand are we? Look at my shoes, and it's freezin' and dark-"
"Nicki we're not steppin' foot on any sand, just wait and see." She felt a warm smile spreading over her face, she loved him with all her heart. They knew one another inside and out. Tightening her grip on his hand she moved closer into his side but both stopped abruptly when a hooded figure obstructed their pathway. "Excuse me sir." Kai nodded his head warily and attempted to get around the man, making sure to keep Nicki close.
"Stop." They both did as he said and Nicki looked up at Kai's face to see what his reaction was, he looked nervous. "Gimme everythin' you got on you." The stranger's stance and body language was jittery, which came across as more frightening to Nicki as he seemed unpredictable.
"Do as he says Nic." He let go of her momentarily as he removed his watch, handing it to this undetectable person. "Here just hand him your purse-" Before he could finish his sentence as he grabbed Nicki's purse the man panicked and snatched a gun from the back of his pants. Pointing it in Nicki's direction Kai didn't think twice before instinctively stepping between the two of them. Everything was a blur to her after she heard the shot. Only seeing the random stranger bolt in the opposite direction after grabbing her purse as Kai's whole body crumpled into her arms. Her voice was caught in her throat as she fell to her knees with the weight of his body relaxing into her. The sound of her heart-wrenching cries brought people to the street after hearing a gunshot too. She'd ripped her scarf and jacket off to try and push it to his heaving chest. The way he clutched at her hand as he stared at her face was enough to let her know that he was slipping away. She saw it. She actually saw the life leave his eyes as a man behind her tried to pull her away from his body. She couldn't leave him, his body was still warm in contrast to the cool concrete of the side walk, now layered with his blood. Onlookers weren't lying when they told police that he screams were blood-curdling as they echoed through the empty street. Just like that, she felt like her heart had been ripped from her very body.
End of Flashback
Jelani threw his head back out of his hands when he heard her wake with a gasp. He moved over to her quickly, sitting on the edge of her bed.
"Shh, you're okay." He pulled her as close as possible after hearing her sobs. She didn't stop for the whole hour he held her, just crying silently into his chest. This was killing him. He'd never seen her like this before and never wanted to again but he knew it was going to be a long road to recovery. It had become a cycle that she'd adopted, either she would stay awake to avoid slipping back into thoughts and dreams only to wake and be like she was now or she would just sleep for hours and hours on end so she wouldn't have to face reality. Whichever option she chose she always had to face facts anyway, that was the hard part. There was no escape.
Woke up this morning and hoped for a dream, but reality sat next to me and forced me to believe.
Once she drifted off again Jelani made his way down to the kitchen after hearing Mama Carol shout that food was ready. His parents and Cai felt their moods dampen seeing his pale tired face. They guessed he was upstairs with her.
"She's not comin' to eat with us?" Seven-year-old Cai asked sadly. He knew she was upset and had been in hospital but he missed his sister.
"Not today kiddo." Jelani scrubbed his rough, calloused hands over his little brother's short curls. "She's tired." He switched eye contact between Robert and Carol, it was affecting the whole family. But what they were feeling was probably only a fraction of the pain that Nicki was enduring right now. There was no way he could imagine having to bury his girlfriend and daughter Tia within the same month. It'd kill him. Silence cascaded over the dinner table as they all said grace and cut into their meals. Carol was trying to keep things cheery for Cai but everyone could hear the crack in her voice. Just as she stood to clear away their plates and hand out dessert she stopped briskly seeing Nicki's tiny frame stood in the doorway. Following the direction of her focus they all rotated their heads in the same manner. Quickly pulling out a chair for her, Jelani ran his hands over his jeaned legs anxiously. The last time she'd made it this far she saw everyone's expectant faces and broke down. Not this time though, she slowly took a seat in between her two brothers without saying a word.
"Do you want a plate dishing up?" She only nodded small in response. Hearing Cai's chair scraping on the tiles she turned to look at him but found herself being embraced by his tiny arms.
"I'm glad you're okay Nicki." He could feel her shaking and pulled back to study her tear-stained face. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Shaking her head no she pulled him back to hugging her. It was only a small step but she was getting there.
Across town he lay motionlessly on his made bed, surrounded by the memories and pictures. He couldn't do this on his own. He'd managed to hold himself together really well, until he cracked open a few bottles and delved into all the photos. Kai and Drake had been more or less inseparable since third grade, they were vastly opposite in more ways than one but seemed to just click. Nobody really understood it. Sitting up slowly he knocked the edge of the box and saw it slide off of the bed. He sighed and sat his glass down before kneeling to scoop all the papers up, a glimpse of colour caught his eye. Reaching out for the photo half covered by all the others he lifted up to his face and smiled. It was a picture of Kai and Nicki with Drake fooling around behind them. The smile faded as he thought about what she must be going through right now. He'd heard that their baby was stillborn, call him selfish but he was devastated purely for the fact that the baby would be the closest thing left to Kai and now he'd been cruelly snatched away too. His friend's drunken words echoed through his foggy thoughts.
If I die tomorrow, I'mma trust you to watch out for Nic. For me, promise?
He was swaying and slurring at the time but he was more than serious when he said it. Looking back at the picture he wondered if anyone would ever see her pretty little dimpled smile again. How anyone could recover from what she'd been through he had no idea. One thing was certain though, he'd watch over her like his best friend asked. That was a promise he'd made and he intended to keep it. Sitting the picture on his night stand he kicked his shoes off and fell to sleep surrounded by the boxes of photos.
Truthfully Kai had always been the smart one in their little duo. Drake had that element of "Mr Popular" about him, fending off any name-calling or other childish behaviour. Inevitably Kai went on to become a more than successful lawyer, leaving Drake in the dust. He did okay though, asides from moving between jobs constantly he managed to keep a steady income working at a Kebab shop in the evening and the gym during the day. He liked it which was what counted in his eyes. Things changed a little when Kai and Nicki started dating, he had less time for his struggling friend and was constantly with this girl. Initially he was jealous like any friend would be but after meeting Nicki they discovered that the three of them together were pretty dynamic. They all got along well and whenever they were together they'd always have fun. Life without Kai was going to be a lot less brighter, that was for sure.
***
"Look, she's really not up for any visitors right now. I'll tell her that you called by-" Robert was interrupted by his daughter's soft voice as she got closer behind him.
"Who is it?" Her Father stepped aside to reveal a very run-down looking Drake stood at their front door. He felt completely ridiculous when he noticed himself actually having to fight the tears. He hadn't seen Nicki since before the funeral, she was too bereaved to speak to anyone that day so he kept his distance. Robert felt his presence was fast becoming an intrusion and left when Nicki slowly stepped out of the doorway, wrapping her arms around a clearly inconsolable Drake. He returned the embrace and they just stayed the same for a minute or two before she pulled away.
"If he could see us right now!" Drake spoke and lightened the mood with a chuckle, reminding her that he would probably be laughing at them actually hugging instead of hitting for once. She and drake had a playful relationship, which never failed to amuse Kai at the best of times.
"I know, he's prolly laughin' up there." She smiled a little as she talked and wiped at her own tears whilst Drake blinked his away.
Heading back inside she introduced him to her family since he'd never actually had the opportunity to meet them before. For the first time in a long time she felt like she had someone to talk to, obviously she could talk to her family but with Drake it was different. He'd not only lost a close person too but the same person, Kai meant the world to both of them. There was that sense that wherever Nicki was it felt like Kai was there too and the same with Drake. In each others company they felt like he was there with them, they knew that wasn't the case but it made them forget if only for a few minutes at a time.
...
*Hope this was alriiight :/ I'll be posting again on any one of my blogs on sunday ^_^ Thanku for all the comments on the first chapter!*
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