Thursday, 22 November 2012

2. My Legs Are Weak

*So here is chapter 2, hope it's ok :)) Oh and for Onikafaree readers I'm gonna post on Forever Young later ^_^ Oh and some of you might notice that the blog title and all of the chapters (except chapter one) are named after Paloma Faith songs or lyrics by Paloma, so I'm just crediting that ^_^ I'm trying to match the song with the chapter but for some of them it doesn't really work XD By the way 'My Legs Are Weak' isn't one of my favourites :/ it just kind of suited the chapter :)*

Shutting her bedroom door Mama Carol sighed miserably. It had been two days since Nicki had given birth to her stillborn baby boy and she hadn't eaten, spoken or moved since she climbed into bed. They'd managed to talk her into living with them for a few days whilst she got herself back together.

"How is she?" Jelani's husked voice asked sympathetically.

"The same as she was when she got here." The worry and sadness in her tone was obvious to her son as he enveloped her in a comforting hug.

"She'll get through this. I know it."

"I hope you're right Jelani." She shook her head in attempt to shake the tears away as she closed Nicki's door again. "Anyway, enough of the tears! We have to be strong for her." She smiled tiredly and rubbed her son's muscular bicep. "I'm gonna go make a start on dinner, hopefully we can get her to eat a little something." She moved away and started down the stairs again as he watched her disappear. Looking back at Nicki's slightly ajar door he pushed it open gently with his index finger and entered cautiously. She was alseep and quite honestly he didn't blame her. Everything had crumbled around her in the last few months, he had no doubt in his mind that it was Kai's sudden, tragic death that had caused her baby to die too. The guilt, sorrow and complete heart ache she was experiencing was murderous. Literally. 


"Kai, where are we goin'?"

"I told you it's a surprise, now come on. Keep up." He smiled and tugged her hand as they walked down the sidewalk. They'd just been for Nicki's six month scan and checkup. Kai wanted to do something to celebrate the news that they'd soon be proud parents to a baby boy.

"You know I don't like surprises, just tell me? Please? I'll act surprised I promise."

"No Nicki." He smiled at her impatience and kept tight hold of her hand as they continued walking. They were close to the place he wanted to take her. It was a new restaurant at the docks, it was actually a boat that had been renovated to be an eatery and it really was a boat. It was just stationed at the docking area day in day out.

"Wait, we're not gonna be walkin' on the sand are we? Look at my shoes, and it's freezin' and dark-"

"Nicki we're not steppin' foot on any sand, just wait and see." She felt a warm smile spreading over her face, she loved him with all her heart. They knew one another inside and out. Tightening her grip on his hand she moved closer into his side but both stopped abruptly when a hooded figure obstructed their pathway. "Excuse me sir." Kai nodded his head warily and attempted to get around the man, making sure to keep Nicki close.

"Stop." They both did as he said and Nicki looked up at Kai's face to see what his reaction was, he looked nervous. "Gimme everythin' you got on you." The stranger's stance and body language was jittery, which came across as more frightening to Nicki as he seemed unpredictable.

"Do as he says Nic." He let go of her momentarily as he removed his watch, handing it to this undetectable person. "Here just hand him your purse-" Before he could finish his sentence as he grabbed Nicki's purse the man panicked and snatched a gun from the back of his pants. Pointing it in Nicki's direction Kai didn't think twice before instinctively stepping between the two of them. Everything was a blur to her after she heard the shot. Only seeing the random stranger bolt in the opposite direction after grabbing her purse as Kai's whole body crumpled into her arms. Her voice was caught in her throat as she fell to her knees with the weight of his body relaxing into her. The sound of her heart-wrenching cries brought people to the street after hearing a gunshot too. She'd ripped her scarf and jacket off to try and push it to his heaving chest. The way he clutched at her hand as he stared at her face was enough to let her know that he was slipping away. She saw it. She actually saw the life leave his eyes as a man behind her tried to pull her away from his body. She couldn't leave him, his body was still warm in contrast to the cool concrete of the side walk, now layered with his blood. Onlookers weren't lying when they told police that he screams were blood-curdling as they echoed through the empty street. Just like that, she felt like her heart had been ripped from her very body.

End of Flashback

Jelani threw his head back out of his hands when he heard her wake with a gasp. He moved over to her quickly, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Shh, you're okay." He pulled her as close as possible after hearing her sobs. She didn't stop for the whole hour he held her, just crying silently into his chest. This was killing him. He'd never seen her like this before and never wanted to again but he knew it was going to be a long road to recovery. It had become a cycle that she'd adopted, either she would stay awake to avoid slipping back into thoughts and dreams only to wake and be like she was now or she would just sleep for hours and hours on end so she wouldn't have to face reality. Whichever option she chose she always had to face facts anyway, that was the hard part. There was no escape. 

Woke up this morning and hoped for a dream, but reality sat next to me and forced me to believe.

Once she drifted off again Jelani made his way down to the kitchen after hearing Mama Carol shout that food was ready. His parents and Cai felt their moods dampen seeing his pale tired face. They guessed he was upstairs with her.

"She's not comin' to eat with us?" Seven-year-old Cai asked sadly. He knew she was upset and had been in hospital but he missed his sister.

"Not today kiddo." Jelani scrubbed his rough, calloused hands over his little brother's short curls. "She's tired." He switched eye contact between Robert and Carol, it was affecting the whole family. But what they were feeling was probably only a fraction of the pain that Nicki was enduring right now. There was no way he could imagine having to bury his girlfriend and daughter Tia within the same month. It'd kill him. Silence cascaded over the dinner table as they all said grace and cut into their meals. Carol was trying to keep things cheery for Cai but everyone could hear the crack in her voice. Just as she stood to clear away their plates and hand out dessert she stopped briskly seeing Nicki's tiny frame stood in the doorway. Following the direction of her focus they all rotated their heads in the same manner. Quickly pulling out a chair for her, Jelani ran his hands over his jeaned legs anxiously. The last time she'd made it this far she saw everyone's expectant faces and broke down. Not this time though, she slowly took a seat in between her two brothers without saying a word.

"Do you want a plate dishing up?" She only nodded small in response. Hearing Cai's chair scraping on the tiles she turned to look at him but found herself being embraced by his tiny arms.

"I'm glad you're okay Nicki." He could feel her shaking and pulled back to study her tear-stained face. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Shaking her head no she pulled him back to hugging her. It was only a small step but she was getting there.

Across town he lay motionlessly on his made bed, surrounded by the memories and pictures. He couldn't do this on his own. He'd managed to hold himself together really well, until he cracked open a few bottles and delved into all the photos. Kai and Drake had been more or less inseparable since third grade, they were vastly opposite in more ways than one but seemed to just click. Nobody really understood it. Sitting up slowly he knocked the edge of the box and saw it slide off of the bed. He sighed and sat his glass down before kneeling to scoop all the papers up, a glimpse of colour caught his eye. Reaching out for the photo half covered by all the others he lifted up to his face and smiled. It was a picture of Kai and Nicki with Drake fooling around behind them. The smile faded as he thought about what she must be going through right now. He'd heard that their baby was stillborn, call him selfish but he was devastated purely for the fact that the baby would be the closest thing left to Kai and now he'd been cruelly snatched away too. His friend's drunken words echoed through his foggy thoughts. 

If I die tomorrow, I'mma trust you to watch out for Nic. For me, promise?

He was swaying and slurring at the time but he was more than serious when he said it. Looking back at the picture he wondered if anyone would ever see her pretty little dimpled smile again. How anyone could recover from what she'd been through he had no idea. One thing was certain though, he'd watch over her like his best friend asked. That was a promise he'd made and he intended to keep it. Sitting the picture on his night stand he kicked his shoes off and fell to sleep surrounded by the boxes of photos. 

Truthfully Kai had always been the smart one in their little duo. Drake had that element of "Mr Popular" about him, fending off any name-calling or other childish behaviour. Inevitably Kai went on to become a more than successful lawyer, leaving Drake in the dust. He did okay though, asides from moving between jobs constantly he managed to keep a steady income working at a Kebab shop in the evening and the gym during the day. He liked it which was what counted in his eyes. Things changed a little when Kai and Nicki started dating, he had less time for his struggling friend and was constantly with this girl. Initially he was jealous like any friend would be but after meeting Nicki they discovered that the three of them together were pretty dynamic. They all got along well and whenever they were together they'd always have fun. Life without Kai was going to be a lot less brighter, that was for sure.


"Look, she's really not up for any visitors right now. I'll tell her that you called by-" Robert was interrupted by his daughter's soft voice as she got closer behind him.

"Who is it?" Her Father stepped aside to reveal a very run-down looking Drake stood at their front door. He felt completely ridiculous when he noticed himself actually having to fight the tears. He hadn't seen Nicki since before the funeral, she was too bereaved to speak to anyone that day so he kept his distance. Robert felt his presence was fast becoming an intrusion and left when Nicki slowly stepped out of the doorway, wrapping her arms around a clearly inconsolable Drake. He returned the embrace and they just stayed the same for a minute or two before she pulled away.

"If he could see us right now!" Drake spoke and lightened the mood with a chuckle, reminding her that he would probably be laughing at them actually hugging instead of hitting for once. She and drake had a playful relationship, which never failed to amuse Kai at the best of times.

"I know, he's prolly laughin' up there." She smiled a little as she talked and wiped at her own tears whilst Drake blinked his away. 

Heading back inside she introduced him to her family since he'd never actually had the opportunity to meet them before. For the first time in a long time she felt like she had someone to talk to, obviously she could talk to her family but with Drake it was different. He'd not only lost a close person too but the same person, Kai meant the world to both of them. There was that sense that wherever Nicki was it felt like Kai was there too and the same with Drake. In each others company they felt like he was there with them, they knew that wasn't the case but it made them forget if only for a few minutes at a time.


*Hope this was alriiight :/ I'll be posting again on any one of my blogs on sunday ^_^ Thanku for all the comments on the first chapter!* 


  1. NO wait just one second Carlee how are you going to end the chapter like that? *Cries* This is so sad I can’t imagine the pain Nicki is going through right now and interesting Drake and Kai were Best Friends… Can’t wait to see how this all plays out! ~Jessie_Barbie

  2. OMGOMGOMG! My poor babies! :((( I can't even BEGIN to imagine what Nicki must be feeling/going thru right now! :( I'm so glad Drake is there now cuz he's the only one that can understand how she feels. Ugh..OMG. I just.... I seriously shed tears. My heart just.....



  4. I cant believe that Nicki is going through all of that. I hope Drake is doing ok also since he was Kai's bestfriend. I hope things will start to get better for them.