Wednesday, 28 November 2012

4. Beauty Of The End

*Thanku so much for the comments guys! Hope this is ok! Also some of the lyrics are tied to Nicki and some are what Drake is feeling too, I'll try and make it clear in the chapters though! :)*

He just lay for a few minutes before gathering the will to actually get out of bed. Last night was all a complete blur to be honest, he couldn't believe she'd just left like that. He knew there was feelings there whether she was picturing Kai or not. There was definitely something there. He managed to have a quick breakfast before throwing on his uniform and heading to the gym.

Across town she was sat silently on her couch, the memories of last night stuck in her mind. He probably thought she was such a bitch for the way she was with him and then just leaving in the morning but truthfully she was scared. No matter how hard she tried to keep her thoughts on Kai they just kept slipping away. It was as if the more she was enjoying being with Drake the faster Kai's existence was disappearing. That was nonsense in reality but not in her mind it wasn't, her heart was telling her to talk to him but she wasn't even sure if he'd face her. She wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to see her but she knew she had to at least try. Tightening her robe around her waist she stood up and decided to get ready for work, she'd call in and see him on her way home tonight then she would have had some time to think.


He threw his phone down in defeat after calling her for the seventh time, she wasn't picking up on any of his calls and the day was practically over. Conversing briefly with a co-worker her tore off his apron and hung it up before heading home. He always walked, it just made more sense to him since the kebab place was so close. Keeping his head down he kicked at random pieces of litter  before looking up at the steps they'd been on only the previous night. His attention was quickly pulled in the direction of the bottom corner of the second step. She was sat there waiting. There was silence for a while, the city buzz filling in the empty air.

"You forget how to answer a phone Onika?" His raised brows and sleepy eyes made her look down at her phone momentarily before waving it.

"Battery died at work."

"What're you doin' sat alone in the dark?"

"Waitin' for you." She was about to stand but he took a seat next to her on the stone step.

"So, are we gonna pretend last night didn't happen or actually talk about it?" His voice was husky in comparison to how soft hers was.

"I'on even know what to say Drake."

"You wanna say it was a mistake though don't you?"

"Is that what you think it was?"

"Honestly? No. Bein' with you last night really meant somethin' to me but I don't think you can say the same thing." She felt the tears coming as she cringed. If only he really knew what she was feeling but it was just too soon. She couldn't let go of Kai and it would be cruel of her to play with Drake's emotions. Now came the hard part. She didn't want to lie to him but she had to.

"I shouldn't have let things get as far as they did." She choked up a little seeing how sad his face looked before she whispered out the last of her sentence. "I'm sorry."

Maybe one day you will understand that I had to, I did it all for you.

"He's holdin' you back ain't he?"

"You mean Kai?" He only nodded in response as she sniffed and wiped away the tears.

"I can't let go of him Drake."

"You can't or won't?" His sudden change in tone caught her off guard in her teary state.

"Are you for fucking real right now?"

"No, can't you tell I'm jokin'? I'm crackin' up inside right now Nic." He knew he was acting like a spoilt kid who couldn't get his own way but it was his method of dealing with the rejection.

"Y'know what? I didn't come here for this, for you to act like I'm feelin' this way on purpose! You of all people should know what I'm goin' through Drake! I'm hurting! And what I don't need is you makin' me feel guilty for that!" She was completely breathless at that point with her angry outburst and the amount of crying she was doing combined.

"When are you gonna understand that he's not comin' back?! And that you waitin' around is completely pointless! He's gone Nicki." His voice softened considerably noticing just how much he was upsetting her. "Y'know? He told me a long while back that if he was to die, he wanted me to look out for you. That's a responsibility that I wanna stand by but I can't keep goin' like this." He licked his lips and stared forward before rubbing his hand over his head. "So, you're definitely sayin' that last night meant nothing to you?" He tried to mask the tremor in his voice but she still heard it.

"Im sorry." She whispered it once again whilst he laughed humourlessly and dropped his head. Trying to grab his hand she felt the sting of her actions when he pulled away.

"Aight, that's all I wanted to know. I'll just..." He let his words disappear before picking up where he left off once he was on his feet staring down at her. "I'll just speak to you tomorrow I guess. Goodnight Nicki." She didn't have to see his tears to know he was hurt. It was completely obvious in his body language and voice as he took a few steps back before turning and walking away from her. She knew he could hear her crying as he kept walking. The absolute urge to turn around and go sit with her was unbearable but he couldn't expose himself to that much pain. He was done with mourning his best friend and now feeling the pain of not being able to be with her.

Falling never hurts but landing does.

Waking early the next morning she just lay still, having absolutely no energy from crying almost all night. The room was quiet and all she could hear was cars outside her window. Stretching her arms she felt her right one hit the pillow next to her. Kai's pillow.

I miss you in the mornings been up all night, delicately whisper I'll be alright.

Honestly her thoughts had been running wild last night. Drake was right. Kai was never coming back, ever. Yet she was waiting around as if he was going to walk through the door at any moment. Was she being a fool for not letting go? Her face was clearly puzzled and even she saw that as she looked at herself in the mirror whilst brushing her teeth. If anyone could see her they'd probably say she belongs in a mental institution as she sat on her lounge room floor with photos, letters and notes scattered around her. You could hardly even see her hardwood floor for all the stuff spread out. She'd been sat for hours sifting through all the memories. As she looked at each and every photo it was as if the silence disappeared and the noise of what was happening in the photo filled the room. But of course that same silence returned as soon as she checked back into reality.

I miss you in the moments when it all stops, listen to the silence that hurts my heart.

Quickly removing the silence she opened another box of photos and continued to look through them all. Some of them made her smile heartwarmingly whilst others made her laugh hysterically. Especially the ones of Kai and Drake. They were always insanely goofy. For those few moments when she was laughing she kept on feeling as though he was still with her, going through their stuff. But he wasn't.

I miss you when I'm laughing you're very near, but then I open up my eyes and you're not here.

After hours of sitting alone doing her reminiscing she felt as though she had her thoughts and feelings collected and now came the time to put it on paper. Ever since she was young she'd always write out her feelings. Mainly because she was never one to spill her feelings to people so she found comfort in writing them out. This time was a little different though, this was a letter to her fiance, her best-friend and her life. Kai. Obviously not one she'd send but one that would signify to her, the beauty of the end.

So I'll write this letter that I'll never send, just so I'll remember the beauty of the end.
And I'll write this letter to my long lost friend so it stays with me forever, the beauty of the end.

She was writing for what seemed like an eternity but it was something she felt like she had to do. She was expelling all the hung up feelings surrounding Kai to make room for new feelings. Of course he would always would have an important place in her heart but she couldn't stop thinking about Drake or what he'd said. He was one hundred percent right. It was a case of not being able to let go of Kai or not wanting to. Realising that just because she enjoyed being with Drake that night and that she felt strongly for him it didn't mean that she was erasing Kai's memory or her love for him. Still sitting in thought after she'd finished her letter she was debating her next move, going purely off of what her heart was telling her she jumped up without hesitation and threw some clothes on before heading to her car manically.

And I'm just as scared as you about this freedom but I need to run with the wind.
And I know right now you think there's no reason but you'll see, please trust me.
Nothing in life is easy. 

Not even taking the time to check if she'd parked well she jumped out of her car, being temporarily rained on until she reached his apartment block. Doing the same dash up three flights of stairs she speed walked all the way to his door and knocked nervously. This was part of what she was missing, just going off of a whim. Not planning what she was doing. Her life for the past few months had been so routinised it was pretty much drilled into her. One thing was for sure though, whenever she was with Drake that same feeling of spontaneity made its way back into her life. Something she'd been both craving and missing. Checking her watch she bit her lip and knocked again before looking out of the hallway window. He wasn't in. His motorcycle was gone. She pulled out her phone and called him but he wasn't answering.

"Come on Drake, please pick up." Suddenly hearing a door open behind her she saw Drake's neighbour looking in her direction.

"Are you looking for Drake dear?"

"Yeah? Did he say where he was goin'?"

"No he didn't, but he did tell me to give you this." The old woman, whom Nicki had met a few times, handed her an envelope with her name scribbled across the front.

"Thank you." The elderly lady went back inside and left her with confused look on her face as she ripped the letter out and began to read.


*Hope this was okay guys! It's 2:30am here, that's how dedicated I am lmao!! Anyway I'm FAR too tired to be writing another chapter now so I'll do SMF tomorrow :)) Thanks for the comments on the last chapter ^_^*



  2. I have no idea why, but this story is near & dear to my heart. I feel so connected to it.

    The letter to Kai was very much needed & I'm glad she realizes that loving someone else doesn't mean she loves Kai any less.

    Where is Drake? I hope he hasn't gone too far away. Ugh. Make it work. :(

  3. Ok. So Im guessing that Drake left, right? Cause he just instantly disappeared.

  4. Ooooooooooooooooooooooo. I cannot wait for the next chapter!!

  5. Okay i just started reading your story and let me just say WOW! Just WOW! I love everything, the plot, the storyline, just EVERYTHING!

    Nic is deffinetly trying to hold on to those small memories she still has of kai because she can feel him slipping away and herself growing stronger feelings towards drake. She feels as though she needs to cling on to those memories when she really doesn't because at this point it could be what's holing her back and now that she's finally kinda let go it could be a bit too late cause i'm just praying that drake's ass hasn't uped & left ;(

    Amazing chapter as usual. update soon ^.^ - @AliaaaMinajxo

  6. Gosh, this story is amazing! I love it! Please update soon

  7. Carlee! This story is amazing! I'm kicking myself for not finding you sooner! Nicki is hurting so badly over Kai, but now her feelings are so wrapped up with Drake. Oh no, what does the letter say?

  8. Ah loved this story when r u updating?

    1. Thanku! ^_^ I'm not sure when I'll next be updating, possibly christmas day or maybe later.