Thursday, 3 January 2013

5. New York

*Thanks so much for all the comments! I hope this is okay for you all! the lyrics didn't really fit too well lol but I tried :/ I hate this chapter by the way but I needed to just post it so I could move on.*

The wolves they howled for my lost soul, I fell down a deep black hole.
He left me for another lady.

Why? That was the one worded question that wouldn't leave her mind as she walked the few steps up to her front door. Drake had gone, leaving her with only a letter to explain. Ironic really, since she'd just  written one herself to her dead fiance and lost child and now her newfound love was leaving her one to do the exact opposite. She'd called him what felt like a hundred times, leaving a voicemail with each failed attempt in hopes that it would make him come back. Pleading. Searching through her purse for her keys she swiped at the tears with her spare hand but became still noticing that her door wasn't locked. Her teary frown deepened knowing that she'd locked it. Shit like this was spooky to anyone but ever since the confrontation with the hooded figure who shot Kai she was constantly on edge, even more so due to the fact that the killer was never caught. Slowly pushing the door open she stepped in cautiously. Walking warily around the corner she screamed when the front of her body came chest to chest with another person.

"Onika it's me!" Her mother grabbed the sides of her arms and smiled uneasily as she watched her collect herself.

"Oh my God Mom! Don't do that!" Her hand was still pressed firmly to her chest whilst she let her purse slip to hang off of her forearm.

"I'm sorry, I sent you a message to let you know I was coming over, where were you? I thought you finished work at 5?" She kept on drying the plate she'd carried with her as she turned to head back to the kitchen with her daughter following.

"Yeah my phone died and I had some things to sort out, sorry."

"It's fine Nika." She gave her a sweet smile and returned to the washing up as Nicki took a seat at the breakfast bar. There was a long silence with only the swishing of the sink water being rinsed over plates and pans to be heard. "You were with him weren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Drake. That's where you were after work isn't it?"

"Well, yeah I had to go see'm but he wasn't home." There was a hint of both upset and attitude in her answer as she choked up slightly.

"Watch your tone Onika."

"No Mom, y'know what? I won't watch my tone. Ever since day one you've had this weird issue with Drake, why?" She snarled slightly as she spoke to her Mother's back.

"I don't have an issue with him Onika, but with the reason I feel you're attracted to him. Now stop acting like such a child, you're not a teenager anymore so I'm not about to stand here and scold you like one."

"Oh really? And just what is this reason that you feel I'm attracted to him? Hm? And as for me acting like a child, you're the one stood in my kitchen washin' my dishes like I can't handle it myself. Stop treatin' me like a child and maybe I'll stop actin' like one." She snatched her purse from the counter and slid off of the stool "Oh, and as for Drake and I, you don't have anythin' to worry about. He left." She sniped before marching purposefully up the stairs. The tears were well and truly flowing as she realised what she'd just behaved like. She knew it was because of Drake leaving but taking it all out on her Mother like that was way out of line, especially since she was only trying to help. She lay for an hour by herself, crying. She was sick of the wasted tears constantly rolling down her cheeks but that was something that she'd have to grow accustomed to. She felt like they were never going to end, like she was going to feel this way forever.

He took my hand one day and told me, he was leaving, me disbelieving.
And I had to let him go.

Back downstairs Carol had been deeply contemplating her departure but Onika obviously needed her. No matter how much she screamed or yelled there was no way she was going to leave her as well. Far too many loved ones had been snatched away from her already and thinking about it now, her main support system had now left her too. She fixed up some food and began cooking it before heading up to Nicki's room, however on her way up an unsealed envelope placed on the coffee table caught her eye. It was a letter to Kai. Frowning harshly she carefully pulled it open and immediately recognised Nicki's neat swirly handwriting as she sat down. She was instantly pulled into the letter by the raw emotion and she found herself sat in tears as she scanned each heartfelt line. Every single word was directly from her daughter's hurting heart. Nicki had always been one to write her emotions out, it was easier for her that way and having found her old writing scraps from when she was young carol knew not to bring it up with her. Obviously that was her way of coping and clearly it worked for her. That's when she realised, Kai and Drake had been the only two people she spoke her feelings too, asides from herself in the odd situation. After reading the letter Carol understood that her daughter's feelings for Aubrey were more than genuine.

Now I am on my own, he told me he was leaving and I was pleading.

Slowly and quietly making her way up the stairs she knocked lightly on her door. There was no response, which encouraged her to walk in. It was deathly quiet as she peered around, the curtains drawn and Nicki's small body curled up in the middle of her bed. Letting her eyes travel across the walls of the room she could only pictures of Kai and her together along with a montage of ultrasound images and a polaroid snapshot of Kai Jr. when he was born. His little body looked so lost in the blue blanket held close to Nicki's chest. At first Carol was hurt that Nicki wanted nobody present at the birth but after a long while thinking about it she understood how precious that one moment she'd share with her son was and she deserved that one moment to herself. After staring at the pictures for a while, she wiped the tears away quickly hearing Nicki stir behind her.

"He was so tiny." Her voice was cracking slightly, giving away the fact that she'd been crying before dropping to sleep.

"He was." She touched the photo again before moving over to the bed. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you the way I did, you're only tryna help." She sniffed and remained where she was, being calmed by her Mother stroking the hair from her face.

"Drake's really gone?"

"Yeah." It came out as a small whisper, one which told Carol she was fighting the tears once again as she avoided eye contact.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"What do you mean?" Her expression only showed confusion as she gazed up at her mother.

"Well, the Onika I know so well wouldn't just give up like this." Their eyes were still connected. "I read your letter to Kai."

"Oh, that." She faced away, staring ahead at the wall in front of her. "He made up his mind, he's gone to live in New York." Her sad answer was followed by a deep sigh.

"So go after him then."

"Mom I can't just up and leave like that, I have work and-"

"Other than work, what's stopping you from going out there and getting him back?" There was silence.

"You really think I should go?"

"I do. This is your chance to be happy Onika, so take it before it's snatched away from you again. Because God knows I can't deal with seeing you like this any longer." She leant down and kissed her forehead before standing. "Now get up and wash that face, dinner's almost ready and your brothers and Father are going to be here soon." She reached the door-frame and turned to look at her daughter. "Don't ever feel like you're alone in this world Nicki, we'll always be here for you. No matter what."

And it was New York, New York and she took his heart away.

Pleas don't make me go, to New York.

Dropping his luggage in the doorway he sighed before shutting the door. Last time he'd been out here it was nothing but smiles and laughter but this time it was different because he knew he had no intention of returning. No intention to see her again and that was killing him on the inside. Having left his neighbour with a letter for Nicki he was sure she'd get the letter. The sting in his heart got stronger with each word he wrote but there was no way he could be around her and not show his feelings. The thought of never seeing or touching her again was torturous. He had no doubt in his mind that New York would be the place to move to. It was what he liked to call his second love, his first obviously being Nicki. Laying back on the shabby apartment bed he pulled his phone out and turned it on, not at all surprised he had a million and one messages from her. He couldn't read them though, and he especially couldn't listen to her voicemail messages. Hearing her plead would just kill him. Instead he tore his shoes off and slept where he was, hoping for memories of her to subside. Making room for new ones.


"The back yard area needs a lot of work but with the right kind of attention it could really be something." She folded her lips and rested against the sliding glass door as the young coupled stared out at the garden.

"And the upstairs area? Can we take a look up there too?"

"Sure, right this way." She smiled at them holding hands before leading them the way. It was just another day as a real estate agent. She gave up on the idea of flying to New York weeks ago. It had officially been almost five weeks since he left and he hadn't returned any of her calls or texts, she didn't expect him to but never stopped trying nonetheless.

"Oh wow, it's pretty spacey up here." The man's voice sounded excited as he let go of his partner's hand. "How many bedroom's you say it had?"

"Well if you take away the upper level lounge-room it could be a five-bedroomed house." She looked back at his face as he approached his wife again.

"See? It's perfect, enough rooms for family when they visit and a room for when this little one arrives." He smiled into the kiss with one hand resting on her almost invisible bump. It was moments like these that hit her the hardest. Everything she was cruelly robbed of was unfolding before her very eyes.

"I don't know." She twisted her frame to look at Nicki unsurely. "Whatta you think? If you were in our position right now would you take a place like this?"

"Honestly? Yes I would and I'm not just sayin' that 'cause it's my job." She laughed. "But really though, take the opportunity. You don't know what could be taken from you tomorrow." She bit on her lip to hide the hurt as they looked at one another for a while.


"Seriously? We're really about to do this?" His eyes only showed excitement as he looked back at Nicki's pained expression. "Looks like we're about to buy our first house!"

"Hopefully the last too. I'ont wanna go through all that again, it was agonising." If only she really knew what struggle was.

"Great, I'll get things sorted with the owner." She smiled warmly. "Congratulations too by the way. I wish you both all the best for the future." Although she felt like her heart was physically hurting she wasn't one to hate out of jealousy. She truly was happy for this couple.

After watching them drive off she returned back to the kitchen area of the house, locking all the doors and double checking them before she headed back to the office to drop the keys off so she could go home. It was Friday, which meant taking the long route home to make a stop along the way. Knocking the sound down on the radio she pulled into the iron gates, feeling the car grind on the gravelly stones as she came to a stop. As soon as she cut the engine the silence overcame her. She hadn't even noticed the tears falling from her eyes. Quickly brushing them away she grabbed the flowers from the passenger seat and got out of the car, starting the short walk through the cemetery to where her loved ones lay to rest, side by side. The flowers from the Friday before were withered and dead on their headstones. She quickly pulled them away as she knelt to set the new ones in their place. This was her usual ritual, same time, same place, same feeling. Although the frosty air and darkness were creeping up on her she didn't care.

She sat with them for almost an hour and a half, talking to them as if they could actually hear her. Starting to feel the coldness through her gloves she kissed her fingers before placing them on Kai's headstone and doing the same for Baby Kai. Every time she visited them she expected her sorrow and grief to become lighter but it never did. This feeling was swallowing her, taking her deeper into a darkness she desperately wanted to escape more than anything. How much longer she could carry on with this she had no idea. Slowly picking her self up she dusted off her knees, letting the dirt drop back down to the ground.

"Y'know, he knew you loved the environment but kissing stones is takin' things a lil' far don't you think Onika?" Whipping her head around in surprise she just stared at his face. Her heart racing partly down to the fact that he'd scared the shit out of her and partly because it was him.

*The next chapter will be the lasssst. I'll somehow tie it all up and end it :) I don't know if I'll do a follow up fic or not, if people want that to happen then I will continue ^_^ Thanks for reading :) I hope this was alright.*


  1. omgomgomgomg! It better be Drake thats speaking at the end! I was almost crying during those moments when she was at the cemetery :[ It was heartbreaking! & That couple who were viewing the house, she probably felt so upset. I'm glad Carol finally understands Nic's feelings for Drak though and hopefully they fix things
    Great post :] Please post soon and YESSS you have to do a continuation!....Please? :3

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  3. OMGOMGOMG. HE CAME BACK?! UGH. I'm so happy he came back! I could just cry. OMG. Ugh. Let them work it out & be happy & great & loving & yeah. ):

    It's totally up to you if you do a continuation. It'd be cool to see an update on where they're at now y'know? But you do have a LOT of fics so I know you're busy. But just know IF you DO write it. I'll be reading. :)

  4. I agree with HeyPrettyNicki on this one

    I can relate to having the people you love ripped away from you & just feeling like you're alone and it's horrible. I'm just so happy that drake came back cause i know nic would have just had this wallowing sadness in her. But now dricki can be happy & it all be cupcakes rainbows & unicorns <3

  6. I'm not gonna put my hopes up and think it Drake. I just need you to post today soo I can spaz out...

    LoooooL post soon please

  7. I feel so bad for her :( must of been hard seeing that pregnant lady and all that. I hope this 'he' is Drake cause.. Anyway post soon :)