3. Agony

*Okay so here is chapter three ^_^ Thanku to the people who commented :)) Hope this is ok and I tried to make it a little longer too :)*

The hours passed turned into days, then weeks. Before she knew it almost eight months had gone by since her traumatic experience. One she could only describe as a living hell. She still wasn't back to the same old Nicki and something deep inside her was saying that she would never be the same again. Throughout the weeks Drake had been her support system, he was always there when she felt like crying and she was always there for him too. Mama Carol could see her in deep thought before she interrupted her.

"What're you thinkin' Onika?" Her voice was soft and inquisitive as she switched the hold she had on her coffee mug, sitting with her sockless feet resting on the footstool.

"Nothin', I'm just tired." She smiled at her Mother and checked the time on her phone. "I'mma go out for a bit. I'll be home later, don't wait up for me." She grabbed her purse and said goodbye to her parents before leaving the house. It was almost 9pm and as much as Carol wanted to stop her from going out she knew her daughter was grown.

"Carol, she'll be fine. We should be thankful that she's even leavin' the house at all." Robert raised his brows knowing he was right.

"I know, it's just....She's going to see him."

"And? What's wrong with that? He's her friend." His hands were resting on the arms of his chair as he looked over her troubled face.

"I'm just worried she's doing it for the wrong reasons." Sipping some more coffee she sighed into the mug.

"And what might those reasons be?"

"Well, we all know how close he and Kai were. I just think she's seeing him more and more because it's like she's with him when she's with Drake."

"That's a little far-fetched don't you think?" He frowned as he processed the idea, in a way his wife could be right.

***

The cold air was stinging her face as it hit her cheeks, but for some weird reason she liked it. The sensation helped make her feel alive, something she was struggling to feel since she had to bury the two most important people in her life. Except Drake of course. There was something about his being that made her feel a part of the world again. She smiled thinking about the time she and Kai had surprised him for his birthday. He actually looked like a child as Kai removed his hands from over his eyes and there sat before him was a motorcycle. A pretty extravagant present for a friend most would agree but Drake was like a brother to him and he was raking in more than enough money to splash out on such a present. The last present he ever got him. As she got further down the sidewalk she took in the air, smelling the familiar aroma of kebabs. The street was busy with night traffic which she escaped when she entered the food place. It was empty inside so she could already hear him singing in the back and decided to listen for a while before pressing the bell not once but multiple times.

"Aight I'm coming! Jesus!" He appeared stony faced before he lay eyes on a grinning Nicki and laughed sheepishly. "Shoulda known it was you." He untied his apron, letting it fall loose as it hung from his neck. "What you doin' here? I thought you were comin' over to mine later?"

"Yeah I was but I got bored at home. And who said I came to see you? I mighta wanted a kebab." She set her purse on the counter and took a seat on one of the stools.

"Oh? So you wanna experience my amazin' food?" Widening his eyes he stood next to the meat skewers and used his arms to present it.

"Oh my God, I can't! You're so goofy, just gimme the favourite."

"Comin' right up. And this one's on the house, just for you." He winked and ran out the back to grab some stuff. When he returned he prepared her food and handed it to her.

"What time do you get outta here?" She covered her mouth politely as she ate whilst he glanced at the clock.

"In exactly two minutes. But I gotta close up shop so you just sit and eat whilst I do all the usual shit."

After closing up the shop when she'd finished eating they were walking slowly down the sidewalk, hand in hand. Understandably a lot of people had mistaken them for a couple but truthfully they were just incredibly close, even more so since they became more reliant on one another. Swinging their connected hands she looked up seeing the famous steps, the ones leading up to the Philadelphia museum. The 'Rocky' steps as most people called them.

"Let's go up there." She pointed with her free hand and peered up at his face, he looked reluctant.

"That's a lotta steps Nic. You sure?"

"There's seventy-two actually, Kai counted 'em once. He's so silly, he miscounted and actually went all the way back down just to start again." She was laughing in between words as he smiled thinking about it. "Come on, I'll piggy-back you if you get tired?"

"Don't lie Onika." His smirk made her punch him lightly before dragging him towards the steps.

"Let's go boy, start climbin'." She wished she'd never opened her mouth when he set off full pelt up the steps with her still in his grasp.

"No wait! How you abouta run all the way up?! My legs are shorter than yours asshole!" Slowing down he looked back at her pouting face and crouched a little.

"Hop on."

"What?"

"Get on, I'll carry you up."

"Nigga, if you drop me..." She sucked air through her teeth before jumping carefully on to his back. Securing her legs he set off slowly before gradually getting quicker and quicker. She was giggling at first but when he started doing the 'Rocky' theme tune she almost died from not breathing. He was laughing uncontrollably too by the time they reached the top. After setting her down he lay dramatically on his back.

"Oh shit, that was a lung burner." He rubbed at his heaving chest as she crawled over to him, laying on her back too.

"It looks so different at night." She was referring to Philadelphia, the view they had of the city right now was completely different in the evening compared to when she was last up there with Kai.

"I know, it's quieter too."

"Apart from your gaspin' ass." She nudged into him gently and giggled.

"Hey, I did pretty damn well! Don't knock me." Laughing again she sat her self up and butt shuffled to the top step and sat on it sweetly as she stared over the illuminated city. He just watched her for a moment before deciding to join her.

"Do you think he can see us?" There was no need for her to name who she was talking about and the silence grew louder as he thought.

"You really wanna know what I think?" His voice was soft and his head tilted back as he looked up.

"Mhm." The fact that her lips were folded exaggerated her answer before she gently took his hand in hers.

"I think that whether he can see us or not doesn't even matter. You know why?"

"Why?"

"'Cause he'll forever be in here." His hand rested gently over where his heart was. Her eyes were glued to that very hand before her focus moved up to his face. She'd never noticed his looks before but right in that very moment she took advantage of every part of it under the glow of the moon and the city lights.

Everyone says you're bad for my head but I'm in denial, one look at your face I'm back in that place, I'm feelin' the fire.

They stayed still for a few seconds as she carried on studying his features, in a way they were amazingly similar to Kai's, from his light skin to the look of lust in his eyes whenever he looked at her. He jumped at the feeling of goosebumps travelling across his skin when her hand caressed the side of his face. Before she had chance to decide if she wanted to move in on him he beat her to it. The feeling he gave her was beyond description. The intensity, the urgency and the passion all in that one gesture had her wanting more. Their lips remained locked for a few minutes whilst they increased the amount of feeling being put into their actions.

Save me, save me with your kisses.

Entering his apartment with his back first they never once pulled apart as he lead them blindly to the bedroom. He could feel her hands running up and down his sides as he mirrored the movement but on her back, their tongues set free to explore the others mouth. Letting her fall back on to the bed he hovered over her panting face after pulling away from the kiss, her eyes were half open with desire.

You'll be addicted, I'll be inflicted.

She knew this was wrong. Not literally, but in her mind she was betraying Kai and his memory, it was killing her but the fight was gone. She wanted him to stop so badly but the rush of urgency and passion she was experiencing was making her want him to carry on. Feeling her panties sliding down her thighs she threw her head back in anticipation, whether it was for this to be over or for the pleasure he was about give her? She really didn't know. His kisses marked her glistening skin as his lips continued to travel all over her body, her bra had already come off but she couldn't remember when or how. She gave up trying to remember when his mouth closed around her right nipple, he was feeding off of her moans as she panted them out breathlessly.

"Mmm Kai." He stopped momentarily when he heard what she called him but feeling her grip him through his boxers he tore the fabric off and kept up his movements. She wanted it just as badly as he did and that became fact after he slowly entered her. He could feel her fingernails digging into the skin of his back and grunted into her neck whilst she moaned out continuously. He knew she was calling Kai's name but he couldn't just stop, not for that reason alone but he felt his suppressed feelings for her being re-ignited with each stroke.

You'll be my sorrow, we both know it shows.

Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place, caught up in the moment she wanted him but she was envisioning Kai. Never once opening her eyes she let Drake pleasure her and love her like she loved Kai but she couldn't help from wanting to pull away. With endless thoughts, memories and images of her deceased fiance running through her mind she exhaled steadily and kept her mind focused on him. Imagining him.

Use me, take me home and use me. Press your hands into my body.

He knew what was happening, she was using him and he wanted to stop but he couldn't. She was using his body as a substitute, blocking out his face she was concentrating one hundred percent on Kai. Feeling her walls tightening around his shaft he too felt himself nearing his climax. Her soft moans had turned into louder ones as his strokes got faster with each thrust. Their bodies covered in sweat and her eyes still fused shut, her head to the side. She couldn't even look at him.

Running, we will not escape this, shake this.

This is agony but it's still a thrill to me, this could end in tragedy.

He pulled out and groaned as he came on the sheets before olling over to lay next to her and regaining his breath. He cooled down slowly as he listened to her recovering gasps. She was still facing away from him and had pulled the covers over herself to hide her heaving and vulnerable body. They never spoke another word before falling to sleep in the exact positions they lay. Needless to say she was gone when he awoke the next morning.

*Okay I'm not sure about how this was 'cause I've never incorporated lyrics into a fic before so I hope this was alright :/// PLEASE TELL ME IF IT WASN'T BECAUSE THEN I'LL KNOW NOT TO DO IT FOR THE OTHER CHAPTERS! That had to be in capitals so you all could see it ^_^ I don't wanna keep doing it if you readers don't like it :) Also the lyrics aren't in order I just extracted them from the song and used them where I thought they fit nicely :) Thanku for previous comments ^_^ Oh and once again, the song was 'Agony' by Paloma Faith ^-^*